Bedtime. From little ones who need many, many sips of water to older teens who sleep all day, Melisa digs into the importance of sleep and a solid bedtime. Listen as she walks through what bedtime routines might look like for different age groups. She provides personal stories filled with humor and advice on how to handle bedtime with children of various ages.
Topics discussed:
- The important role dinner time plays in getting your kids to bed.
- How to be firm with bedtimes
-What the appropriate bedtimes are by age.
-How to create quality time for older kids.
-Why it’s important to wake up before your children.
Related videos:
00:00 hi I'm Melissa Nelson let's talk about
00:02 bedtime I often get questions about that
00:05 time and how to work your bedtime
00:07 especially when you have multiple
00:08 children of all different ages so we
00:12 have five kids and when we had all five
00:14 of them at home there was an a large age
00:16 spread so like our oldest is 23 our
00:18 youngest is nine so there was always
00:20 there there was always a child in every
00:23 stage I always focused that time on the
00:26 youngest child so you might want to take
00:30 notes dinner is the runway for bedtime I
00:33 talked about this often when you're
00:36 working on your rhythm you really really
00:38 really want have this dinner part in
00:41 place so you really ideally want to have
00:44 dinner between five and six 5:30 ish is
00:48 probably best then you start this runway
00:51 for a bedtime when you have older
00:53 children
00:54 you've got to enroll them so that they
00:56 understand that you're trying to get the
00:58 little ones to bed if you have children
01:01 that are under six and they're not
01:05 napping they need to be in bed before
01:07 seven so if you're having trouble
01:10 getting kids to bed you really need to
01:13 ask yourself how I miss the sleep window
01:14 we have other videos on sleep so I'd
01:17 like for you to go and watch those
01:19 before asking any questions
01:21 just because it may answer those
01:23 questions so check out our other Monday
01:24 videos on sleep
01:25 really and truly when you have children
01:28 of varying age groups and you're trying
01:31 to meet them all you want to like I said
01:35 look at the youngest child first then I
01:37 would say anywhere for between seven and
01:39 nine they need to be in bed by 7:30 our
01:43 daughter just turned nine we're allowing
01:46 her to stay up until 8:00 but you want
01:49 to have that anchor you want to have
01:50 that anchor and and let children know
01:52 when you get to be that age then you'll
01:54 get to stay up to when-when-when
01:56 you know they were younger they didn't
01:59 get to stay up so this is just how it
02:01 goes when you are firm in your boundary
02:05 they don't generally argue but when
02:07 you're wishy-washy they will every time
02:10 so don't be wishy-washy know what your
02:12 boundary is that doesn't mean you don't
02:14 sometimes stay up late and watch you
02:17 know the moon come out or you know go do
02:21 something fun late at night that doesn't
02:23 mean you don't ever do that but it means
02:25 you don't do that every night it means
02:27 that for the most part you understand
02:30 what's going on and you know when
02:32 bedtime is if you don't know they're not
02:34 gonna know when bedtime is
02:35 so you've got to really sort of you know
02:37 anchor that and and and everybody sort
02:40 of needs to know when it comes to older
02:43 kids like say 9 to 11 or 9 to 12 you
02:46 know I definitely will let them stay up
02:48 until 8:30 sometimes nine but here's the
02:51 thing I get up at 5:00 so I'm done with
02:54 the day come about 8:30 at night when we
02:57 have laid office hours Oh Mike oh my
03:00 goodness you guys I gotta go to bed so I
03:03 really try to keep hours so that I can
03:07 shut down my life come 8:30 so I'm not I
03:11 don't have to think after that any time
03:15 that I've gotten up really early like I
03:17 usually do and I kid myself that I'm
03:19 going to answer emails after everybody
03:21 goes to bed and never happens because
03:22 I'm exhausted and I don't want to give
03:26 that exhausted peace to people that I'm
03:28 emailing so I will usually wait till the
03:30 next morning but I bring that up because
03:32 if you have older kids that are then
03:35 going to want to stay up later you want
03:37 to sort of have boundaries there so my
03:39 kids know that dad's the one that stays
03:42 up generally he you know he gets up at
03:44 5:00 with me he likes less sleep I guess
03:47 but he's usually in bed by 9:30 or 10:00
03:50 these days most days during the
03:54 quarantine I have to tell you it's been
03:55 a little bit harder for him because he
03:56 has
03:57 space of wanting to have that alone time
03:59 which I know is is very important and
04:04 and so I know a lot of you will take
04:06 that alone time at night I'm going to
04:09 challenge you though to try to get it in
04:10 the morning when you're fresh because
04:13 you can get so much more done when you
04:15 get up before your kids so when our kids
04:18 are you know staying up a little bit
04:21 later they know that mom's still going
04:22 to bed a couple of times a week I will
04:25 say up with my almost 14 year old and
04:28 here now I want to show together and and
04:31 that's you know we connect that way or
04:33 we'll play a board game or just sit and
04:35 talk because they do want to have that
04:37 connection time with my big kids so I
04:38 want to have that connection with all of
04:39 our kids but truly when the little ones
04:41 go to sleep then the big ones are sort
04:44 of ready to chat with us and there's
04:46 something about night time where they've
04:49 relaxed from the day a bit and it's just
04:51 like their mind starts to unravel and
04:53 they want to just talk talk talk so if
04:55 they know that you're there it doesn't
04:57 have to be every night but a couple of
04:59 times a week just for them it's so so
05:02 helpful so you get this younger ones to
05:03 bed I even send salmon sorry are still
05:06 sharing a room right now we're getting
05:07 ready to move so that won't be the
05:10 reality after we move but he goes into
05:12 the bed in the bedroom with her and
05:13 he'll read while she goes to sleep and
05:16 then he gets up after that because that
05:18 sort of helps her stay anchored and
05:19 helps her stay in bed again it's gonna
05:22 be interesting once we move but we'll
05:23 figure something out I'll have something
05:25 else to teach you guys but truly putting
05:28 them all to bed at the same time and
05:29 then letting them get up or having the
05:31 older children be completely out of the
05:34 bedroom while you're putting the younger
05:35 ones to bed is super helpful often what
05:37 I'll do is or what I have done in the
05:40 past is when I put that child to bed so
05:42 that they're not a boomerang
05:44 that can happen they'll have 14 glasses
05:47 of water
05:47 I go Alyssa's last glass of water you're
05:49 going to get in bed I will either sit at
05:51 the foot of their bed or in the doorway
05:53 and I'll knit you know answer some
05:56 emails maybe read a book something so
05:59 that I am anchored right there in that
06:00 space they know I'm there and they can
06:02 go to sleep and it's it's then not
06:05 stressful for them because
06:06 want to be with people when they're
06:07 sleeping just like most of us do so I
06:10 hope that's helpful I know that often
06:12 having multiple age groups in your home
06:15 sort of feels really difficult but
06:18 really ask yourself what each one of
06:20 them needs they have different needs
06:22 they all need sleep so even my big kids
06:26 even my teenagers they're always in bed
06:29 before 10:00 and I sort of joked this
06:32 morning in our planning for Pete's call
06:34 I said you know I let them choose when
06:37 they go to bed but I choose when they
06:38 get up and I do that's it's not a joke
06:42 I'll say I want you in bed by 10:00 if
06:45 they choose to stay awake till 10:30 or
06:47 11 that's on them they're still getting
06:49 up when I get them up and I feel really
06:52 firmly about that I know we sort of live
06:54 in a culture that's like oh well
06:56 teenagers should just sleep whatever
06:58 they need to get they need to make good
07:01 habits for later in life and the
07:03 teenagers especially they need to have
07:06 those good happen so you want to instill
07:08 those habits and then when they're young
07:09 so they can continue them as they grow
07:12 you don't want a child that doesn't know
07:15 how to get up before 11 o'clock all of a
07:17 sudden has it has to be at work at 8
07:19 a.m. and doesn't know how to do it and
07:20 struggles so that's that's part of your
07:23 stewardship is teaching them that there
07:25 are times to sleep in and types of not
07:27 just man we never sleep in that it
07:29 definitely means that that's not the
07:30 mainstay how we do things so I hope that
07:34 was helpful if you have any questions
07:35 feel free to drop us a note and we all
07:37 see you next week
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