Bedtime with Multiple Ages

00:00     hi I'm Melissa Nelson let's talk about

00:02     bedtime I often get questions about that

00:05     time and how to work your bedtime

00:07     especially when you have multiple

00:08     children of all different ages so we

00:12     have five kids and when we had all five

00:14     of them at home there was an a large age

00:16     spread so like our oldest is 23 our

00:18     youngest is nine so there was always

00:20     there there was always a child in every

00:23     stage I always focused that time on the

00:26     youngest child so you might want to take

00:30     notes dinner is the runway for bedtime I

00:33     talked about this often when you're

00:36     working on your rhythm you really really

00:38     really want have this dinner part in

00:41     place so you really ideally want to have

00:44     dinner between five and six 5:30 ish is

00:48     probably best then you start this runway

00:51     for a bedtime when you have older

00:53     children

00:54     you've got to enroll them so that they

00:56     understand that you're trying to get the

00:58     little ones to bed if you have children

01:01     that are under six and they're not

01:05     napping they need to be in bed before

01:07     seven so if you're having trouble

01:10     getting kids to bed you really need to

01:13     ask yourself how I miss the sleep window

01:14     we have other videos on sleep so I'd

01:17     like for you to go and watch those

01:19     before asking any questions

01:21     just because it may answer those

01:23     questions so check out our other Monday

01:24     videos on sleep

01:25     really and truly when you have children

01:28     of varying age groups and you're trying

01:31     to meet them all you want to like I said

01:35     look at the youngest child first then I

01:37     would say anywhere for between seven and

01:39     nine they need to be in bed by 7:30 our

01:43     daughter just turned nine we're allowing

01:46     her to stay up until 8:00 but you want

01:49     to have that anchor you want to have

01:50     that anchor and and let children know

01:52     when you get to be that age then you'll

01:54     get to stay up to when-when-when

01:56     you know they were younger they didn't

01:59     get to stay up so this is just how it

02:01     goes when you are firm in your boundary

02:05     they don't generally argue but when

02:07     you're wishy-washy they will every time

02:10     so don't be wishy-washy know what your

02:12     boundary is that doesn't mean you don't

02:14     sometimes stay up late and watch you

02:17     know the moon come out or you know go do

02:21     something fun late at night that doesn't

02:23     mean you don't ever do that but it means

02:25     you don't do that every night it means

02:27     that for the most part you understand

02:30     what's going on and you know when

02:32     bedtime is if you don't know they're not

02:34     gonna know when bedtime is

02:35     so you've got to really sort of you know

02:37     anchor that and and and everybody sort

02:40     of needs to know when it comes to older

02:43     kids like say 9 to 11 or 9 to 12 you

02:46     know I definitely will let them stay up

02:48     until 8:30 sometimes nine but here's the

02:51     thing I get up at 5:00 so I'm done with

02:54     the day come about 8:30 at night when we

02:57     have laid office hours Oh Mike oh my

03:00     goodness you guys I gotta go to bed so I

03:03     really try to keep hours so that I can

03:07     shut down my life come 8:30 so I'm not I

03:11     don't have to think after that any time

03:15     that I've gotten up really early like I

03:17     usually do and I kid myself that I'm

03:19     going to answer emails after everybody

03:21     goes to bed and never happens because

03:22     I'm exhausted and I don't want to give

03:26     that exhausted peace to people that I'm

03:28     emailing so I will usually wait till the

03:30     next morning but I bring that up because

03:32     if you have older kids that are then

03:35     going to want to stay up later you want

03:37     to sort of have boundaries there so my

03:39     kids know that dad's the one that stays

03:42     up generally he you know he gets up at

03:44     5:00 with me he likes less sleep I guess

03:47     but he's usually in bed by 9:30 or 10:00

03:50     these days most days during the

03:54     quarantine I have to tell you it's been

03:55     a little bit harder for him because he

03:56     has

03:57     space of wanting to have that alone time

03:59     which I know is is very important and

04:04     and so I know a lot of you will take

04:06     that alone time at night I'm going to

04:09     challenge you though to try to get it in

04:10     the morning when you're fresh because

04:13     you can get so much more done when you

04:15     get up before your kids so when our kids

04:18     are you know staying up a little bit

04:21     later they know that mom's still going

04:22     to bed a couple of times a week I will

04:25     say up with my almost 14 year old and

04:28     here now I want to show together and and

04:31     that's you know we connect that way or

04:33     we'll play a board game or just sit and

04:35     talk because they do want to have that

04:37     connection time with my big kids so I

04:38     want to have that connection with all of

04:39     our kids but truly when the little ones

04:41     go to sleep then the big ones are sort

04:44     of ready to chat with us and there's

04:46     something about night time where they've

04:49     relaxed from the day a bit and it's just

04:51     like their mind starts to unravel and

04:53     they want to just talk talk talk so if

04:55     they know that you're there it doesn't

04:57     have to be every night but a couple of

04:59     times a week just for them it's so so

05:02     helpful so you get this younger ones to

05:03     bed I even send salmon sorry are still

05:06     sharing a room right now we're getting

05:07     ready to move so that won't be the

05:10     reality after we move but he goes into

05:12     the bed in the bedroom with her and

05:13     he'll read while she goes to sleep and

05:16     then he gets up after that because that

05:18     sort of helps her stay anchored and

05:19     helps her stay in bed again it's gonna

05:22     be interesting once we move but we'll

05:23     figure something out I'll have something

05:25     else to teach you guys but truly putting

05:28     them all to bed at the same time and

05:29     then letting them get up or having the

05:31     older children be completely out of the

05:34     bedroom while you're putting the younger

05:35     ones to bed is super helpful often what

05:37     I'll do is or what I have done in the

05:40     past is when I put that child to bed so

05:42     that they're not a boomerang

05:44     that can happen they'll have 14 glasses

05:47     of water

05:47     I go Alyssa's last glass of water you're

05:49     going to get in bed I will either sit at

05:51     the foot of their bed or in the doorway

05:53     and I'll knit you know answer some

05:56     emails maybe read a book something so

05:59     that I am anchored right there in that

06:00     space they know I'm there and they can

06:02     go to sleep and it's it's then not

06:05     stressful for them because

06:06     want to be with people when they're

06:07     sleeping just like most of us do so I

06:10     hope that's helpful I know that often

06:12     having multiple age groups in your home

06:15     sort of feels really difficult but

06:18     really ask yourself what each one of

06:20     them needs they have different needs

06:22     they all need sleep so even my big kids

06:26     even my teenagers they're always in bed

06:29     before 10:00 and I sort of joked this

06:32     morning in our planning for Pete's call

06:34     I said you know I let them choose when

06:37     they go to bed but I choose when they

06:38     get up and I do that's it's not a joke

06:42     I'll say I want you in bed by 10:00 if

06:45     they choose to stay awake till 10:30 or

06:47     11 that's on them they're still getting

06:49     up when I get them up and I feel really

06:52     firmly about that I know we sort of live

06:54     in a culture that's like oh well

06:56     teenagers should just sleep whatever

06:58     they need to get they need to make good

07:01     habits for later in life and the

07:03     teenagers especially they need to have

07:06     those good happen so you want to instill

07:08     those habits and then when they're young

07:09     so they can continue them as they grow

07:12     you don't want a child that doesn't know

07:15     how to get up before 11 o'clock all of a

07:17     sudden has it has to be at work at 8

07:19     a.m. and doesn't know how to do it and

07:20     struggles so that's that's part of your

07:23     stewardship is teaching them that there

07:25     are times to sleep in and types of not

07:27     just man we never sleep in that it

07:29     definitely means that that's not the

07:30     mainstay how we do things so I hope that

07:34     was helpful if you have any questions

07:35     feel free to drop us a note and we all

07:37     see you next week

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