Melisa Unplugged: Confidence, Poo, & Teaching Cultures

00:00     hi there I wanted to record a video it's

00:04     Sunday night August 25th right now and

00:08     I'm recording this video because I know

00:10     it will be just too tired tomorrow we

00:13     have had a whirlwind 5 days and we're

00:16     having so much fun

00:17     spent the whole day today with my second

00:19     son we're up in the Oregon Portland area

00:23     we spent time yesterday with a group in

00:26     Salem Oregon I've just had a lot of fun

00:28     and really enjoyed spending time with

00:31     not just our family but spent time with

00:34     other waldorf moms yesterday and really

00:37     I'm having a really good time but also

00:40     really thinking about some of the things

00:41     that are coming up for some of you as

00:45     you're sort of doing your planning and

00:46     also sort of what I'm seeing in my

00:48     emails lately so you know I decided that

00:51     this video would kind of be an unplugged

00:52     video and when I when I did when I came

00:56     up with that topic it didn't really know

00:57     when I was going to talk about and and

01:00     truthfully I didn't know fully what I

01:03     was going to talk about even 30 minutes

01:05     ago until I got through some of my email

01:07     today but what I want to talk to you

01:10     about is its twofold it's one about

01:13     confidence and two the second part is

01:18     just ringing in my head that I just

01:19     wanna shout from the rooftops is it's

01:22     not about religion so the first part

01:26     about confidence so many of the moment

01:29     I'm working with everyday are still

01:31     really struggling with confidence and I

01:33     just want to tell you I don't know where

01:35     that came from in your life I don't know

01:38     if that was from a teacher if it was

01:40     from a parent that that wasn't super

01:43     kind or just the the sort of the poop

01:46     that we pick up in life you know I've

01:48     talked for years about the bag of poop

01:49     and and if you don't know that the

01:53     analogy that I give the bag of poop is

01:55     sort of this knapsack on our back or

01:57     this backpack and when somebody hands us

02:00     their garbage we just stick it in there

02:02     and says just poop and sometimes people

02:04     like throw it at us you know and we're

02:06     just kind of dodging it and now when I

02:09     want you to remember is anytime you take

02:11     poop from somebody

02:12     you know think about is yucky as it is

02:15     when you walk in dog poop or manure and

02:18     how about it smells and then it's stuck

02:21     on your shoe and you kind of carry it

02:24     everywhere you know until you take off

02:26     your shoes and wash them really well and

02:28     even then you're often sometimes going

02:30     man I can still smell it it feels like

02:32     it's on me and you really have to really

02:35     clean yourself to get it all off of you

02:37     and to get it off your shoes and and to

02:39     not sort of feel like it's infected you

02:42     still well that's what happens to us

02:44     when we allow ourselves to carry the

02:48     poop from our life whether it be stuff

02:51     that happened in our childhood stuff

02:53     that happened in a marriage stuff that

02:55     happened you know whether in our

02:57     childhood whether it be from a parent or

02:59     from a teacher or you know I know where

03:01     it comes from

03:02     often when confidence issues show up

03:05     it's not it's not in a vacuum it comes

03:09     from somewhere and I'm not saying we

03:11     have to spend time really examining

03:14     where it came from I mean I do believe

03:16     there is merit to sort of understanding

03:18     so that we can go hey I know where that

03:20     came from I don't need to feel like that

03:23     again and and sort of identifying those

03:26     feelings identifying those feelings and

03:29     sort of then where they came from so

03:30     that we can stay away from them and so

03:32     that we can also make better choices not

03:36     really have that that kind of energy in

03:39     our life and just really decide hey wait

03:42     a minute I'm making a boundary here

03:43     whether it be with a parent or an old

03:45     friend or you know yourself you know

03:48     I've made many boundaries with myself

03:49     about like hey I'm just I can't let

03:51     myself go to that thought process kind

03:53     of thing so I do think it's very

03:55     important that if you are listening to

03:57     this and you are still really struggling

03:59     you're thinking hey the school years

04:01     about to start and I just don't have any

04:02     confidence if it's confidence about

04:05     starting school and you've never done it

04:08     before and you're brand new to Waldorf

04:10     and you're brand new to or you're brand

04:11     new to homeschooling and wall or of all

04:13     the things you're going to stumble and

04:18     that's okay that's part of what you do

04:20     it's part of like what makes us human

04:22     right nobody shows up here knowing how

04:24     to do anything no baby is born going

04:25     here

04:26     already know how to walk I know how to

04:27     walk in aitutaki don't need you to teach

04:29     me anything what they do is they stumble

04:31     they stumble they stumble and then they

04:32     do it and that's exactly what you will

04:35     do on this journey you're going to

04:37     stumble you're going to fall you're

04:39     going to skin the end of your nose

04:41     and you're gonna think man this is

04:43     really hard and then you're going to

04:45     stand up and look back at where you how

04:47     far you've come I'm gonna think wow I

04:50     sure did this I did this and and I can

04:54     do great things I can do hard things and

04:56     in every every year I get better every

04:59     month I get better every lesson I get

05:01     better and you know I sort of can move

05:04     forward and I can do something Iv

05:06     couldn't do last month but at all like

05:08     that whole confidence piece its centers

05:11     around doing you can't be confident

05:14     about something until you do it until

05:16     you actually try so I mean even like

05:18     with riding a bike you didn't know how

05:21     to ride a bike until you got on it and

05:23     you fell off a couple of times and

05:25     somebody held onto the back for you

05:26     right and then then then they sort of

05:29     let go and they didn't tell you they let

05:31     go and then all of a sudden you were

05:32     doing it on your own the same goes with

05:34     driving a car when you learn to drive a

05:36     car you kind of got in the car and you

05:38     thought gosh which one of these do I put

05:40     my foot on you know do I put my right

05:42     foot here my left but you you had to

05:44     figure it out he had to sort that out

05:45     and at first you weren't very good at it

05:47     and after a while you were able to turn

05:49     on the radio and talk to the person the

05:51     seat next to you and all of those things

05:52     because it didn't take your all of your

05:54     concentration you were able to sort of

05:57     put some things on autopilot confidence

05:59     is the same way so if you are struggling

06:01     with confidence in general it definitely

06:05     wants you to examine that bag of poop

06:07     that you might be carrying around and

06:09     honestly just put it down because the

06:11     back is flippin heavy just put it down

06:13     you not to carry that around that is not

06:15     your job your job is not to carry around

06:18     the poop for other people and you know

06:19     I'm really good at on people sorry

06:21     don't want your people you can hang onto

06:23     that because here's the deal if somebody

06:25     gives you a gift and you don't accept it

06:27     whose along to some long to you you

06:30     don't have to accept everything you

06:31     don't have to be the person who like

06:33     because you know we all have people

06:35     people in our lives who like put the

06:38     flaming bag of poop

06:39     our ports and then run away we've all

06:42     had people in our life about that right

06:44     um so what do you do you get out like a

06:46     fire hose and you squirt it off your

06:48     porch you go nope nope OOP here not

06:51     coming so sorry you can come back and

06:53     pick it up so you really have to get

06:55     very good at that and I would highly

06:57     encourage you to sort of go back and

06:59     watch some of our other work on being an

07:01     agent you're really struggling with

07:03     confidence in that way even if it's just

07:06     confidence about starting the school

07:08     year just get busy get busy the action

07:11     it breeds clarity and the more you act

07:14     the easier we'll get the more you act

07:16     the more you'll go oh wait a minute

07:18     I didn't know this as well as I wanted

07:20     to I'm gonna spend the weekend and I'm

07:21     gonna spend two hours I'm just gonna

07:23     plow through and get to know it better

07:24     or you know I'm really wanting to paint

07:27     more I'm really wanting to draw more I

07:29     got to get better on my knitting all of

07:31     those things you know take the time to

07:34     do the planning if you haven't done

07:35     planning for peaceful for us with us

07:37     this year because you joined late it's

07:40     alright it's okay really it is okay if

07:44     you're thinking feeling willing member

07:45     come to office hours every week and get

07:47     pumped up let me help pump you up get

07:50     inspired and get excited if you are

07:54     thinking feeling willing member and you

07:56     have not been part of planning for peace

07:58     but you're like going through your

08:00     planning go watch those old videos the

08:02     the planning for peace videos from this

08:04     year even if you didn't participate

08:05     having the opportunity to be part of

08:08     that group coaching is golden group

08:11     coaching is so so much better than

08:13     one-on-one coaching and that a lot of

08:16     people will say oh but I feel really a

08:17     lot more comfortable and one-on-one

08:19     setting here's the reason why group

08:21     coaching is so good when you're in a

08:23     group you not only get to express your

08:25     own issues and your own struggles but

08:27     you get to hear everybody else that's

08:29     struggling too and what you find is hey

08:32     wait a minute

08:33     what I'm struggling with isn't so weird

08:35     and there's somebody else too struggling

08:37     with it to it and we could be buddies

08:39     and like maybe be accountable to each

08:40     other or I could listen to what Melissa

08:42     saying to this person over here I can

08:45     gain so much from that and then gosh I

08:48     have something to share with this person

08:50     over here because Melissa coached them

08:52     and she got through to them on one level

08:54     but I had this experience too and I want

08:56     to share what I know so group coaching

08:58     is really very valuable and very

09:00     important so if you aren't thinking

09:02     feeling willing member and you have not

09:04     joined any of those calls join them and

09:06     if you want to watch the ones that have

09:09     been recorded watch and I think they're

09:10     great those are they're a great way to

09:12     really dive in so that's my better

09:16     confidence so now my other bit like stop

09:18     being afraid of religion listen I get it

09:22     I get it if you don't subscribe to

09:26     organized religion listen yeah you're

09:29     not gonna get any argument from me the

09:31     path that I am on is truly my own and

09:34     that's not a path that I'm handing to

09:37     you as I'm handing you this curriculum

09:39     this curriculum doesn't have to do with

09:42     the religion it has to do with people

09:45     people so I I have gotten so many emailsv

09:51     so many emails over the last few weeks

09:53     so that I just don't think I can teach a

09:55     grade 3 content I just don't think I can

09:57     teach a great four content

09:58     I really just don't think I can teach

10:00     the great six content yes you can yes

10:02     you can you really just don't want to

10:05     because you don't want to face what

10:07     you're struggling about those faiths so

10:09     here's what I want to ask you do you

10:12     want your child to understand your

10:14     neighbors do you want your child to

10:16     understand people that maybe don't have

10:19     the same skin color that they do or live

10:21     in a different land than you do or

10:24     believe differently than you do if you

10:27     want your children to understand those

10:28     people that you have to teach them about

10:30     those people you have to teach them

10:34     about what they believed you cannot

10:36     teach about the Norse people without

10:40     teaching about their mythology you

10:42     cannot teach about the Hebrew people

10:44     without teaching about what they could

10:45     held sacred the the Torah the

10:48     Old Testament stories from grade three

10:50     you cannot teach about Muhammad and

10:54     Islam until you've read the Quran you

10:57     just can't you get it because and this

11:00     is why you can't you can't tell me you

11:03     know what's in that book until you've

11:04     actually read it

11:05     so when when we have Muslim families

11:10     that come to us and they talk to us

11:12     about you know sort of where their path

11:14     has been and and how happy they are that

11:17     even though I'm not Muslim I've read the

11:19     Koran read it it's so you know what's in

11:24     it when people come to me and say I

11:26     can't teach that because it has X Y & Z

11:28     and then I go really what page is that

11:30     on because I read it and I don't see it

11:32     in there show me where you run it and

11:35     the same goes for the Hindu stories in

11:39     grade five you know every grade in a

11:42     Waldorf starting in a grade three and

11:45     moving up goes in depth to a different

11:47     culture and that is what you're teaching

11:49     your children you are not teaching your

11:51     children religion you are teaching them

11:54     about the culture of these people and

11:55     part of that it's part of understanding

11:58     that culture is understanding what theyv

12:00     believe so if you don't understand what

12:03     somebody believes then you don't

12:04     understand the impulses behind what they

12:06     do if you don't know me and what I

12:08     believe then you don't know why I try to

12:11     show up on Sunday you don't know why I

12:13     don't drink you don't know why I don't

12:16     drink coffee you don't know those things

12:17     if you don't know anything about me you

12:19     don't take the time to get to know me

12:21     you don't know those things so I want

12:24     you to step back if you're really

12:25     struggling with this I want you to step

12:26     back and I want you to ask yourself what

12:29     do I want what do I want my children to

12:30     know about their neighbor do I want them

12:33     to only know what I want them to know

12:35     what I want them to have a worldview

12:37     because we're really working in a world

12:40     earth to bring children to be of this

12:42     world but not worldly and when we don't

12:45     teach them what if their neighbor

12:46     believes then we are failing them and I

12:49     cannot be more pointed about that if you

12:52     cannot teach them what their neighbor

12:54     believes and I don't care if their

12:55     neighbor is white black Hispanic you

12:58     know Chilean European Italian Chinese

13:04     Japanese I don't care where they're from

13:06     if you can't teach your child but you're

13:07     their neighbor believes then you're

13:10     failing them that's what this path is

13:12     all about this waldorf home schooling

13:15     path is teaching culture and helping

13:17     children understand and i absolutely

13:20     go beyond what's written I go beyond

13:23     what I've written and I invite you to go

13:25     beyond what I've written

13:26     but don't eliminate don't eliminate you

13:30     know you can say I don't like those

13:32     stories those stories make me really

13:33     uncomfortable well that's your poop

13:34     that's not your child's paper so you

13:36     figure out why they make you

13:37     uncomfortable and then you go from there

13:40     because those are the things that people

13:42     that you are teaching about hold sacred

13:45     and dear so figure out figure it out

13:48     figure out why you're holding you're

13:50     struggling with that if it is something

13:52     from your past then you have to honor

13:55     your past bless your past so that it can

13:57     become wisdom you're carrying around

13:59     that past and it's in that bag of poop

14:01     that we talked about a few minutes ago

14:03     it's time you put the bag down put the

14:07     bag down you know put the bag down see

14:10     it as manure instead of dog poop and

14:13     spread that manure around so that it can

14:15     be fertilizer for some wisdom because

14:19     until we can bless our past it cannot

14:21     become wisdom and we have to be able to

14:23     do that in order to walk forward in our

14:25     emotions in order to walk forward in a

14:27     space that we can truly show up for our

14:29     children the way we want to the way we

14:32     say the way we teach that to tell other

14:34     people that we were showing up I love it

14:36     love it love it I gotta tell ya be a

14:39     little in your face she wouldn't listen

14:42     to me if I wasn't I love it when I hear

14:46     people say yeah I'm just like open and I

14:50     believe everything I think that

14:52     everybody can honor God the way they

14:53     want oh except for us you're Muslim or

14:56     except for I don't really want to hear

14:58     about the Old Testament like excuse me

15:01     back up the truck if that is truly what

15:04     you believe and you truly believe that

15:06     we should be able to love everybody and

15:08     that we should be able to understand

15:10     everybody then you take the time to

15:13     understand them otherwise don't tell

15:15     people that don't tell people that don't

15:18     go into forums on Facebook and tell

15:20     people that you're so loving and you

15:21     want to be kind and love everybody

15:23     except for these people mm-hmm very

15:27     hypocritical so be very careful very

15:31     careful

15:32     and stop stressing so much your children

15:34     aren't gonna become Jewish because you

15:35     taught them the Jewish stories in grade

15:38     3 they're just not what they're going to

15:39     do is they're going to come out of grade

15:41     3 with this amazing understanding for

15:43     their Jewish friends and when they go to

15:46     you know when they have a friend that's

15:48     Jewish or they meet somebody at the park

15:50     or you have some in your co-op that's of

15:52     that faith then they're gonna be like

15:54     hey I understand exactly what you

15:55     believe and that child the childhood

15:58     then they're talking to us give me like

15:59     wow I live in a world where nobody

16:02     understands me and my friend that's not

16:03     even if my faith understands me that

16:06     feels so good

16:07     feels so good for children when they are

16:10     understood by their peers so be the

16:13     change that you keep telling everybody

16:15     you are be the change you want to want

16:17     to see in the world and and just drink

16:21     in all the fun teach it your way

16:24     yes but teach it and love everything

16:27     that you're doing love one another hug

16:30     those children tightly you'll you'll

16:33     have me back next Monday next Monday I

16:34     will be at a house actually at a

16:37     friend's house and so I will be more

16:40     rested and we'll be back live but

16:43     tonight I'll say good night to you and

16:47     granted you'd be watching this in the

16:48     morning I'm gonna say good night to you

16:50     from Portland Oregon I hope you guys

16:52     have a wonderful week and if you're

16:55     starting school this week just jump in

16:57     and have a good time dive in enjoy

16:58     yourself you're not starting school this

17:00     week like we're doing some school I mean

17:03     like we went to the Lewis and Clark

17:04     Museum Samuel standing there Soraya's

17:07     being coming the Junior Ranger and

17:09     Samuel staying there I looked and I said

17:10     go learn something oh all right like duh

17:15     you're at the listen Clark Museum go

17:17     have a good time

17:17     so no weird absolutely doing school

17:20     things on our trip and we're having a

17:21     lot of fun and a lot of fun today so

17:24     have a good week and I'll see you all

17:26     next week

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