In this two-for-one video (below), Melisa discusses the importance of confidence and the non-religious, religious teaching in Waldorf education. She first addresses the lack of confidence she sees in the parents she works with. She then shares a hilarious analogy (which won’t soon be forgotten) and advice for moving forward even when you don’t feel confident enough to do so. Finally, she covers how and why teaching your children about other religions/cultures/people (different from you) is immensely valuable.
Related videos:
Listen to "Episode 143 - Melisa Unplugged - Confidence, Poo & Cultures of the World" on Spreaker.
Related episodes:
00:00 hi there I wanted to record a video it's
00:04 Sunday night August 25th right now and
00:08 I'm recording this video because I know
00:10 it will be just too tired tomorrow we
00:13 have had a whirlwind 5 days and we're
00:16 having so much fun
00:17 spent the whole day today with my second
00:19 son we're up in the Oregon Portland area
00:23 we spent time yesterday with a group in
00:26 Salem Oregon I've just had a lot of fun
00:28 and really enjoyed spending time with
00:31 not just our family but spent time with
00:34 other waldorf moms yesterday and really
00:37 I'm having a really good time but also
00:40 really thinking about some of the things
00:41 that are coming up for some of you as
00:45 you're sort of doing your planning and
00:46 also sort of what I'm seeing in my
00:48 emails lately so you know I decided that
00:51 this video would kind of be an unplugged
00:52 video and when I when I did when I came
00:56 up with that topic it didn't really know
00:57 when I was going to talk about and and
01:00 truthfully I didn't know fully what I
01:03 was going to talk about even 30 minutes
01:05 ago until I got through some of my email
01:07 today but what I want to talk to you
01:10 about is its twofold it's one about
01:13 confidence and two the second part is
01:18 just ringing in my head that I just
01:19 wanna shout from the rooftops is it's
01:22 not about religion so the first part
01:26 about confidence so many of the moment
01:29 I'm working with everyday are still
01:31 really struggling with confidence and I
01:33 just want to tell you I don't know where
01:35 that came from in your life I don't know
01:38 if that was from a teacher if it was
01:40 from a parent that that wasn't super
01:43 kind or just the the sort of the poop
01:46 that we pick up in life you know I've
01:48 talked for years about the bag of poop
01:49 and and if you don't know that the
01:53 analogy that I give the bag of poop is
01:55 sort of this knapsack on our back or
01:57 this backpack and when somebody hands us
02:00 their garbage we just stick it in there
02:02 and says just poop and sometimes people
02:04 like throw it at us you know and we're
02:06 just kind of dodging it and now when I
02:09 want you to remember is anytime you take
02:11 poop from somebody
02:12 you know think about is yucky as it is
02:15 when you walk in dog poop or manure and
02:18 how about it smells and then it's stuck
02:21 on your shoe and you kind of carry it
02:24 everywhere you know until you take off
02:26 your shoes and wash them really well and
02:28 even then you're often sometimes going
02:30 man I can still smell it it feels like
02:32 it's on me and you really have to really
02:35 clean yourself to get it all off of you
02:37 and to get it off your shoes and and to
02:39 not sort of feel like it's infected you
02:42 still well that's what happens to us
02:44 when we allow ourselves to carry the
02:48 poop from our life whether it be stuff
02:51 that happened in our childhood stuff
02:53 that happened in a marriage stuff that
02:55 happened you know whether in our
02:57 childhood whether it be from a parent or
02:59 from a teacher or you know I know where
03:01 it comes from
03:02 often when confidence issues show up
03:05 it's not it's not in a vacuum it comes
03:09 from somewhere and I'm not saying we
03:11 have to spend time really examining
03:14 where it came from I mean I do believe
03:16 there is merit to sort of understanding
03:18 so that we can go hey I know where that
03:20 came from I don't need to feel like that
03:23 again and and sort of identifying those
03:26 feelings identifying those feelings and
03:29 sort of then where they came from so
03:30 that we can stay away from them and so
03:32 that we can also make better choices not
03:36 really have that that kind of energy in
03:39 our life and just really decide hey wait
03:42 a minute I'm making a boundary here
03:43 whether it be with a parent or an old
03:45 friend or you know yourself you know
03:48 I've made many boundaries with myself
03:49 about like hey I'm just I can't let
03:51 myself go to that thought process kind
03:53 of thing so I do think it's very
03:55 important that if you are listening to
03:57 this and you are still really struggling
03:59 you're thinking hey the school years
04:01 about to start and I just don't have any
04:02 confidence if it's confidence about
04:05 starting school and you've never done it
04:08 before and you're brand new to Waldorf
04:10 and you're brand new to or you're brand
04:11 new to homeschooling and wall or of all
04:13 the things you're going to stumble and
04:18 that's okay that's part of what you do
04:20 it's part of like what makes us human
04:22 right nobody shows up here knowing how
04:24 to do anything no baby is born going
04:25 here
04:26 already know how to walk I know how to
04:27 walk in aitutaki don't need you to teach
04:29 me anything what they do is they stumble
04:31 they stumble they stumble and then they
04:32 do it and that's exactly what you will
04:35 do on this journey you're going to
04:37 stumble you're going to fall you're
04:39 going to skin the end of your nose
04:41 and you're gonna think man this is
04:43 really hard and then you're going to
04:45 stand up and look back at where you how
04:47 far you've come I'm gonna think wow I
04:50 sure did this I did this and and I can
04:54 do great things I can do hard things and
04:56 in every every year I get better every
04:59 month I get better every lesson I get
05:01 better and you know I sort of can move
05:04 forward and I can do something Iv
05:06 couldn't do last month but at all like
05:08 that whole confidence piece its centers
05:11 around doing you can't be confident
05:14 about something until you do it until
05:16 you actually try so I mean even like
05:18 with riding a bike you didn't know how
05:21 to ride a bike until you got on it and
05:23 you fell off a couple of times and
05:25 somebody held onto the back for you
05:26 right and then then then they sort of
05:29 let go and they didn't tell you they let
05:31 go and then all of a sudden you were
05:32 doing it on your own the same goes with
05:34 driving a car when you learn to drive a
05:36 car you kind of got in the car and you
05:38 thought gosh which one of these do I put
05:40 my foot on you know do I put my right
05:42 foot here my left but you you had to
05:44 figure it out he had to sort that out
05:45 and at first you weren't very good at it
05:47 and after a while you were able to turn
05:49 on the radio and talk to the person the
05:51 seat next to you and all of those things
05:52 because it didn't take your all of your
05:54 concentration you were able to sort of
05:57 put some things on autopilot confidence
05:59 is the same way so if you are struggling
06:01 with confidence in general it definitely
06:05 wants you to examine that bag of poop
06:07 that you might be carrying around and
06:09 honestly just put it down because the
06:11 back is flippin heavy just put it down
06:13 you not to carry that around that is not
06:15 your job your job is not to carry around
06:18 the poop for other people and you know
06:19 I'm really good at on people sorry
06:21 don't want your people you can hang onto
06:23 that because here's the deal if somebody
06:25 gives you a gift and you don't accept it
06:27 whose along to some long to you you
06:30 don't have to accept everything you
06:31 don't have to be the person who like
06:33 because you know we all have people
06:35 people in our lives who like put the
06:38 flaming bag of poop
06:39 our ports and then run away we've all
06:42 had people in our life about that right
06:44 um so what do you do you get out like a
06:46 fire hose and you squirt it off your
06:48 porch you go nope nope OOP here not
06:51 coming so sorry you can come back and
06:53 pick it up so you really have to get
06:55 very good at that and I would highly
06:57 encourage you to sort of go back and
06:59 watch some of our other work on being an
07:01 agent you're really struggling with
07:03 confidence in that way even if it's just
07:06 confidence about starting the school
07:08 year just get busy get busy the action
07:11 it breeds clarity and the more you act
07:14 the easier we'll get the more you act
07:16 the more you'll go oh wait a minute
07:18 I didn't know this as well as I wanted
07:20 to I'm gonna spend the weekend and I'm
07:21 gonna spend two hours I'm just gonna
07:23 plow through and get to know it better
07:24 or you know I'm really wanting to paint
07:27 more I'm really wanting to draw more I
07:29 got to get better on my knitting all of
07:31 those things you know take the time to
07:34 do the planning if you haven't done
07:35 planning for peaceful for us with us
07:37 this year because you joined late it's
07:40 alright it's okay really it is okay if
07:44 you're thinking feeling willing member
07:45 come to office hours every week and get
07:47 pumped up let me help pump you up get
07:50 inspired and get excited if you are
07:54 thinking feeling willing member and you
07:56 have not been part of planning for peace
07:58 but you're like going through your
08:00 planning go watch those old videos the
08:02 the planning for peace videos from this
08:04 year even if you didn't participate
08:05 having the opportunity to be part of
08:08 that group coaching is golden group
08:11 coaching is so so much better than
08:13 one-on-one coaching and that a lot of
08:16 people will say oh but I feel really a
08:17 lot more comfortable and one-on-one
08:19 setting here's the reason why group
08:21 coaching is so good when you're in a
08:23 group you not only get to express your
08:25 own issues and your own struggles but
08:27 you get to hear everybody else that's
08:29 struggling too and what you find is hey
08:32 wait a minute
08:33 what I'm struggling with isn't so weird
08:35 and there's somebody else too struggling
08:37 with it to it and we could be buddies
08:39 and like maybe be accountable to each
08:40 other or I could listen to what Melissa
08:42 saying to this person over here I can
08:45 gain so much from that and then gosh I
08:48 have something to share with this person
08:50 over here because Melissa coached them
08:52 and she got through to them on one level
08:54 but I had this experience too and I want
08:56 to share what I know so group coaching
08:58 is really very valuable and very
09:00 important so if you aren't thinking
09:02 feeling willing member and you have not
09:04 joined any of those calls join them and
09:06 if you want to watch the ones that have
09:09 been recorded watch and I think they're
09:10 great those are they're a great way to
09:12 really dive in so that's my better
09:16 confidence so now my other bit like stop
09:18 being afraid of religion listen I get it
09:22 I get it if you don't subscribe to
09:26 organized religion listen yeah you're
09:29 not gonna get any argument from me the
09:31 path that I am on is truly my own and
09:34 that's not a path that I'm handing to
09:37 you as I'm handing you this curriculum
09:39 this curriculum doesn't have to do with
09:42 the religion it has to do with people
09:45 people so I I have gotten so many emailsv
09:51 so many emails over the last few weeks
09:53 so that I just don't think I can teach a
09:55 grade 3 content I just don't think I can
09:57 teach a great four content
09:58 I really just don't think I can teach
10:00 the great six content yes you can yes
10:02 you can you really just don't want to
10:05 because you don't want to face what
10:07 you're struggling about those faiths so
10:09 here's what I want to ask you do you
10:12 want your child to understand your
10:14 neighbors do you want your child to
10:16 understand people that maybe don't have
10:19 the same skin color that they do or live
10:21 in a different land than you do or
10:24 believe differently than you do if you
10:27 want your children to understand those
10:28 people that you have to teach them about
10:30 those people you have to teach them
10:34 about what they believed you cannot
10:36 teach about the Norse people without
10:40 teaching about their mythology you
10:42 cannot teach about the Hebrew people
10:44 without teaching about what they could
10:45 held sacred the the Torah the
10:48 Old Testament stories from grade three
10:50 you cannot teach about Muhammad and
10:54 Islam until you've read the Quran you
10:57 just can't you get it because and this
11:00 is why you can't you can't tell me you
11:03 know what's in that book until you've
11:04 actually read it
11:05 so when when we have Muslim families
11:10 that come to us and they talk to us
11:12 about you know sort of where their path
11:14 has been and and how happy they are that
11:17 even though I'm not Muslim I've read the
11:19 Koran read it it's so you know what's in
11:24 it when people come to me and say I
11:26 can't teach that because it has X Y & Z
11:28 and then I go really what page is that
11:30 on because I read it and I don't see it
11:32 in there show me where you run it and
11:35 the same goes for the Hindu stories in
11:39 grade five you know every grade in a
11:42 Waldorf starting in a grade three and
11:45 moving up goes in depth to a different
11:47 culture and that is what you're teaching
11:49 your children you are not teaching your
11:51 children religion you are teaching them
11:54 about the culture of these people and
11:55 part of that it's part of understanding
11:58 that culture is understanding what theyv
12:00 believe so if you don't understand what
12:03 somebody believes then you don't
12:04 understand the impulses behind what they
12:06 do if you don't know me and what I
12:08 believe then you don't know why I try to
12:11 show up on Sunday you don't know why I
12:13 don't drink you don't know why I don't
12:16 drink coffee you don't know those things
12:17 if you don't know anything about me you
12:19 don't take the time to get to know me
12:21 you don't know those things so I want
12:24 you to step back if you're really
12:25 struggling with this I want you to step
12:26 back and I want you to ask yourself what
12:29 do I want what do I want my children to
12:30 know about their neighbor do I want them
12:33 to only know what I want them to know
12:35 what I want them to have a worldview
12:37 because we're really working in a world
12:40 earth to bring children to be of this
12:42 world but not worldly and when we don't
12:45 teach them what if their neighbor
12:46 believes then we are failing them and I
12:49 cannot be more pointed about that if you
12:52 cannot teach them what their neighbor
12:54 believes and I don't care if their
12:55 neighbor is white black Hispanic you
12:58 know Chilean European Italian Chinese
13:04 Japanese I don't care where they're from
13:06 if you can't teach your child but you're
13:07 their neighbor believes then you're
13:10 failing them that's what this path is
13:12 all about this waldorf home schooling
13:15 path is teaching culture and helping
13:17 children understand and i absolutely
13:20 go beyond what's written I go beyond
13:23 what I've written and I invite you to go
13:25 beyond what I've written
13:26 but don't eliminate don't eliminate you
13:30 know you can say I don't like those
13:32 stories those stories make me really
13:33 uncomfortable well that's your poop
13:34 that's not your child's paper so you
13:36 figure out why they make you
13:37 uncomfortable and then you go from there
13:40 because those are the things that people
13:42 that you are teaching about hold sacred
13:45 and dear so figure out figure it out
13:48 figure out why you're holding you're
13:50 struggling with that if it is something
13:52 from your past then you have to honor
13:55 your past bless your past so that it can
13:57 become wisdom you're carrying around
13:59 that past and it's in that bag of poop
14:01 that we talked about a few minutes ago
14:03 it's time you put the bag down put the
14:07 bag down you know put the bag down see
14:10 it as manure instead of dog poop and
14:13 spread that manure around so that it can
14:15 be fertilizer for some wisdom because
14:19 until we can bless our past it cannot
14:21 become wisdom and we have to be able to
14:23 do that in order to walk forward in our
14:25 emotions in order to walk forward in a
14:27 space that we can truly show up for our
14:29 children the way we want to the way we
14:32 say the way we teach that to tell other
14:34 people that we were showing up I love it
14:36 love it love it I gotta tell ya be a
14:39 little in your face she wouldn't listen
14:42 to me if I wasn't I love it when I hear
14:46 people say yeah I'm just like open and I
14:50 believe everything I think that
14:52 everybody can honor God the way they
14:53 want oh except for us you're Muslim or
14:56 except for I don't really want to hear
14:58 about the Old Testament like excuse me
15:01 back up the truck if that is truly what
15:04 you believe and you truly believe that
15:06 we should be able to love everybody and
15:08 that we should be able to understand
15:10 everybody then you take the time to
15:13 understand them otherwise don't tell
15:15 people that don't tell people that don't
15:18 go into forums on Facebook and tell
15:20 people that you're so loving and you
15:21 want to be kind and love everybody
15:23 except for these people mm-hmm very
15:27 hypocritical so be very careful very
15:31 careful
15:32 and stop stressing so much your children
15:34 aren't gonna become Jewish because you
15:35 taught them the Jewish stories in grade
15:38 3 they're just not what they're going to
15:39 do is they're going to come out of grade
15:41 3 with this amazing understanding for
15:43 their Jewish friends and when they go to
15:46 you know when they have a friend that's
15:48 Jewish or they meet somebody at the park
15:50 or you have some in your co-op that's of
15:52 that faith then they're gonna be like
15:54 hey I understand exactly what you
15:55 believe and that child the childhood
15:58 then they're talking to us give me like
15:59 wow I live in a world where nobody
16:02 understands me and my friend that's not
16:03 even if my faith understands me that
16:06 feels so good
16:07 feels so good for children when they are
16:10 understood by their peers so be the
16:13 change that you keep telling everybody
16:15 you are be the change you want to want
16:17 to see in the world and and just drink
16:21 in all the fun teach it your way
16:24 yes but teach it and love everything
16:27 that you're doing love one another hug
16:30 those children tightly you'll you'll
16:33 have me back next Monday next Monday I
16:34 will be at a house actually at a
16:37 friend's house and so I will be more
16:40 rested and we'll be back live but
16:43 tonight I'll say good night to you and
16:47 granted you'd be watching this in the
16:48 morning I'm gonna say good night to you
16:50 from Portland Oregon I hope you guys
16:52 have a wonderful week and if you're
16:55 starting school this week just jump in
16:57 and have a good time dive in enjoy
16:58 yourself you're not starting school this
17:00 week like we're doing some school I mean
17:03 like we went to the Lewis and Clark
17:04 Museum Samuel standing there Soraya's
17:07 being coming the Junior Ranger and
17:09 Samuel staying there I looked and I said
17:10 go learn something oh all right like duh
17:15 you're at the listen Clark Museum go
17:17 have a good time
17:17 so no weird absolutely doing school
17:20 things on our trip and we're having a
17:21 lot of fun and a lot of fun today so
17:24 have a good week and I'll see you all
17:26 next week
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