Melisa Unplugged: Confidence, Poo, & Teaching Cultures

In this two-for-one video (below), Melisa discusses the importance of confidence and the non-religious, religious teaching in Waldorf education. She first addresses the lack of confidence she sees in the parents she works with. She then shares a hilarious analogy (which won’t soon be forgotten) and advice for moving forward even when you don’t feel confident enough to do so. Finally, she covers how and why teaching your children about other religions/cultures/people (different from you) is immensely valuable.


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00:00     hi there I wanted to record a video it's

00:04     Sunday night August 25th right now and

00:08     I'm recording this video because I know

00:10     it will be just too tired tomorrow we

00:13     have had a whirlwind 5 days and we're

00:16     having so much fun

00:17     spent the whole day today with my second

00:19     son we're up in the Oregon Portland area

00:23     we spent time yesterday with a group in

00:26     Salem Oregon I've just had a lot of fun

00:28     and really enjoyed spending time with

00:31     not just our family but spent time with

00:34     other waldorf moms yesterday and really

00:37     I'm having a really good time but also

00:40     really thinking about some of the things

00:41     that are coming up for some of you as

00:45     you're sort of doing your planning and

00:46     also sort of what I'm seeing in my

00:48     emails lately so you know I decided that

00:51     this video would kind of be an unplugged

00:52     video and when I when I did when I came

00:56     up with that topic it didn't really know

00:57     when I was going to talk about and and

01:00     truthfully I didn't know fully what I

01:03     was going to talk about even 30 minutes

01:05     ago until I got through some of my email

01:07     today but what I want to talk to you

01:10     about is its twofold it's one about

01:13     confidence and two the second part is

01:18     just ringing in my head that I just

01:19     wanna shout from the rooftops is it's

01:22     not about religion so the first part

01:26     about confidence so many of the moment

01:29     I'm working with everyday are still

01:31     really struggling with confidence and I

01:33     just want to tell you I don't know where

01:35     that came from in your life I don't know

01:38     if that was from a teacher if it was

01:40     from a parent that that wasn't super

01:43     kind or just the the sort of the poop

01:46     that we pick up in life you know I've

01:48     talked for years about the bag of poop

01:49     and and if you don't know that the

01:53     analogy that I give the bag of poop is

01:55     sort of this knapsack on our back or

01:57     this backpack and when somebody hands us

02:00     their garbage we just stick it in there

02:02     and says just poop and sometimes people

02:04     like throw it at us you know and we're

02:06     just kind of dodging it and now when I

02:09     want you to remember is anytime you take

02:11     poop from somebody

02:12     you know think about is yucky as it is

02:15     when you walk in dog poop or manure and

02:18     how about it smells and then it's stuck

02:21     on your shoe and you kind of carry it

02:24     everywhere you know until you take off

02:26     your shoes and wash them really well and

02:28     even then you're often sometimes going

02:30     man I can still smell it it feels like

02:32     it's on me and you really have to really

02:35     clean yourself to get it all off of you

02:37     and to get it off your shoes and and to

02:39     not sort of feel like it's infected you

02:42     still well that's what happens to us

02:44     when we allow ourselves to carry the

02:48     poop from our life whether it be stuff

02:51     that happened in our childhood stuff

02:53     that happened in a marriage stuff that

02:55     happened you know whether in our

02:57     childhood whether it be from a parent or

02:59     from a teacher or you know I know where

03:01     it comes from

03:02     often when confidence issues show up

03:05     it's not it's not in a vacuum it comes

03:09     from somewhere and I'm not saying we

03:11     have to spend time really examining

03:14     where it came from I mean I do believe

03:16     there is merit to sort of understanding

03:18     so that we can go hey I know where that

03:20     came from I don't need to feel like that

03:23     again and and sort of identifying those

03:26     feelings identifying those feelings and

03:29     sort of then where they came from so

03:30     that we can stay away from them and so

03:32     that we can also make better choices not

03:36     really have that that kind of energy in

03:39     our life and just really decide hey wait

03:42     a minute I'm making a boundary here

03:43     whether it be with a parent or an old

03:45     friend or you know yourself you know

03:48     I've made many boundaries with myself

03:49     about like hey I'm just I can't let

03:51     myself go to that thought process kind

03:53     of thing so I do think it's very

03:55     important that if you are listening to

03:57     this and you are still really struggling

03:59     you're thinking hey the school years

04:01     about to start and I just don't have any

04:02     confidence if it's confidence about

04:05     starting school and you've never done it

04:08     before and you're brand new to Waldorf

04:10     and you're brand new to or you're brand

04:11     new to homeschooling and wall or of all

04:13     the things you're going to stumble and

04:18     that's okay that's part of what you do

04:20     it's part of like what makes us human

04:22     right nobody shows up here knowing how

04:24     to do anything no baby is born going

04:25     here

04:26     already know how to walk I know how to

04:27     walk in aitutaki don't need you to teach

04:29     me anything what they do is they stumble

04:31     they stumble they stumble and then they

04:32     do it and that's exactly what you will

04:35     do on this journey you're going to

04:37     stumble you're going to fall you're

04:39     going to skin the end of your nose

04:41     and you're gonna think man this is

04:43     really hard and then you're going to

04:45     stand up and look back at where you how

04:47     far you've come I'm gonna think wow I

04:50     sure did this I did this and and I can

04:54     do great things I can do hard things and

04:56     in every every year I get better every

04:59     month I get better every lesson I get

05:01     better and you know I sort of can move

05:04     forward and I can do something Iv

05:06     couldn't do last month but at all like

05:08     that whole confidence piece its centers

05:11     around doing you can't be confident

05:14     about something until you do it until

05:16     you actually try so I mean even like

05:18     with riding a bike you didn't know how

05:21     to ride a bike until you got on it and

05:23     you fell off a couple of times and

05:25     somebody held onto the back for you

05:26     right and then then then they sort of

05:29     let go and they didn't tell you they let

05:31     go and then all of a sudden you were

05:32     doing it on your own the same goes with

05:34     driving a car when you learn to drive a

05:36     car you kind of got in the car and you

05:38     thought gosh which one of these do I put

05:40     my foot on you know do I put my right

05:42     foot here my left but you you had to

05:44     figure it out he had to sort that out

05:45     and at first you weren't very good at it

05:47     and after a while you were able to turn

05:49     on the radio and talk to the person the

05:51     seat next to you and all of those things

05:52     because it didn't take your all of your

05:54     concentration you were able to sort of

05:57     put some things on autopilot confidence

05:59     is the same way so if you are struggling

06:01     with confidence in general it definitely

06:05     wants you to examine that bag of poop

06:07     that you might be carrying around and

06:09     honestly just put it down because the

06:11     back is flippin heavy just put it down

06:13     you not to carry that around that is not

06:15     your job your job is not to carry around

06:18     the poop for other people and you know

06:19     I'm really good at on people sorry

06:21     don't want your people you can hang onto

06:23     that because here's the deal if somebody

06:25     gives you a gift and you don't accept it

06:27     whose along to some long to you you

06:30     don't have to accept everything you

06:31     don't have to be the person who like

06:33     because you know we all have people

06:35     people in our lives who like put the

06:38     flaming bag of poop

06:39     our ports and then run away we've all

06:42     had people in our life about that right

06:44     um so what do you do you get out like a

06:46     fire hose and you squirt it off your

06:48     porch you go nope nope OOP here not

06:51     coming so sorry you can come back and

06:53     pick it up so you really have to get

06:55     very good at that and I would highly

06:57     encourage you to sort of go back and

06:59     watch some of our other work on being an

07:01     agent you're really struggling with

07:03     confidence in that way even if it's just

07:06     confidence about starting the school

07:08     year just get busy get busy the action

07:11     it breeds clarity and the more you act

07:14     the easier we'll get the more you act

07:16     the more you'll go oh wait a minute

07:18     I didn't know this as well as I wanted

07:20     to I'm gonna spend the weekend and I'm

07:21     gonna spend two hours I'm just gonna

07:23     plow through and get to know it better

07:24     or you know I'm really wanting to paint

07:27     more I'm really wanting to draw more I

07:29     got to get better on my knitting all of

07:31     those things you know take the time to

07:34     do the planning if you haven't done

07:35     planning for peaceful for us with us

07:37     this year because you joined late it's

07:40     alright it's okay really it is okay if

07:44     you're thinking feeling willing member

07:45     come to office hours every week and get

07:47     pumped up let me help pump you up get

07:50     inspired and get excited if you are

07:54     thinking feeling willing member and you

07:56     have not been part of planning for peace

07:58     but you're like going through your

08:00     planning go watch those old videos the

08:02     the planning for peace videos from this

08:04     year even if you didn't participate

08:05     having the opportunity to be part of

08:08     that group coaching is golden group

08:11     coaching is so so much better than

08:13     one-on-one coaching and that a lot of

08:16     people will say oh but I feel really a

08:17     lot more comfortable and one-on-one

08:19     setting here's the reason why group

08:21     coaching is so good when you're in a

08:23     group you not only get to express your

08:25     own issues and your own struggles but

08:27     you get to hear everybody else that's

08:29     struggling too and what you find is hey

08:32     wait a minute

08:33     what I'm struggling with isn't so weird

08:35     and there's somebody else too struggling

08:37     with it to it and we could be buddies

08:39     and like maybe be accountable to each

08:40     other or I could listen to what Melissa

08:42     saying to this person over here I can

08:45     gain so much from that and then gosh I

08:48     have something to share with this person

08:50     over here because Melissa coached them

08:52     and she got through to them on one level

08:54     but I had this experience too and I want

08:56     to share what I know so group coaching

08:58     is really very valuable and very

09:00     important so if you aren't thinking

09:02     feeling willing member and you have not

09:04     joined any of those calls join them and

09:06     if you want to watch the ones that have

09:09     been recorded watch and I think they're

09:10     great those are they're a great way to

09:12     really dive in so that's my better

09:16     confidence so now my other bit like stop

09:18     being afraid of religion listen I get it

09:22     I get it if you don't subscribe to

09:26     organized religion listen yeah you're

09:29     not gonna get any argument from me the

09:31     path that I am on is truly my own and

09:34     that's not a path that I'm handing to

09:37     you as I'm handing you this curriculum

09:39     this curriculum doesn't have to do with

09:42     the religion it has to do with people

09:45     people so I I have gotten so many emailsv

09:51     so many emails over the last few weeks

09:53     so that I just don't think I can teach a

09:55     grade 3 content I just don't think I can

09:57     teach a great four content

09:58     I really just don't think I can teach

10:00     the great six content yes you can yes

10:02     you can you really just don't want to

10:05     because you don't want to face what

10:07     you're struggling about those faiths so

10:09     here's what I want to ask you do you

10:12     want your child to understand your

10:14     neighbors do you want your child to

10:16     understand people that maybe don't have

10:19     the same skin color that they do or live

10:21     in a different land than you do or

10:24     believe differently than you do if you

10:27     want your children to understand those

10:28     people that you have to teach them about

10:30     those people you have to teach them

10:34     about what they believed you cannot

10:36     teach about the Norse people without

10:40     teaching about their mythology you

10:42     cannot teach about the Hebrew people

10:44     without teaching about what they could

10:45     held sacred the the Torah the

10:48     Old Testament stories from grade three

10:50     you cannot teach about Muhammad and

10:54     Islam until you've read the Quran you

10:57     just can't you get it because and this

11:00     is why you can't you can't tell me you

11:03     know what's in that book until you've

11:04     actually read it

11:05     so when when we have Muslim families

11:10     that come to us and they talk to us

11:12     about you know sort of where their path

11:14     has been and and how happy they are that

11:17     even though I'm not Muslim I've read the

11:19     Koran read it it's so you know what's in

11:24     it when people come to me and say I

11:26     can't teach that because it has X Y & Z

11:28     and then I go really what page is that

11:30     on because I read it and I don't see it

11:32     in there show me where you run it and

11:35     the same goes for the Hindu stories in

11:39     grade five you know every grade in a

11:42     Waldorf starting in a grade three and

11:45     moving up goes in depth to a different

11:47     culture and that is what you're teaching

11:49     your children you are not teaching your

11:51     children religion you are teaching them

11:54     about the culture of these people and

11:55     part of that it's part of understanding

11:58     that culture is understanding what theyv

12:00     believe so if you don't understand what

12:03     somebody believes then you don't

12:04     understand the impulses behind what they

12:06     do if you don't know me and what I

12:08     believe then you don't know why I try to

12:11     show up on Sunday you don't know why I

12:13     don't drink you don't know why I don't

12:16     drink coffee you don't know those things

12:17     if you don't know anything about me you

12:19     don't take the time to get to know me

12:21     you don't know those things so I want

12:24     you to step back if you're really

12:25     struggling with this I want you to step

12:26     back and I want you to ask yourself what

12:29     do I want what do I want my children to

12:30     know about their neighbor do I want them

12:33     to only know what I want them to know

12:35     what I want them to have a worldview

12:37     because we're really working in a world

12:40     earth to bring children to be of this

12:42     world but not worldly and when we don't

12:45     teach them what if their neighbor

12:46     believes then we are failing them and I

12:49     cannot be more pointed about that if you

12:52     cannot teach them what their neighbor

12:54     believes and I don't care if their

12:55     neighbor is white black Hispanic you

12:58     know Chilean European Italian Chinese

13:04     Japanese I don't care where they're from

13:06     if you can't teach your child but you're

13:07     their neighbor believes then you're

13:10     failing them that's what this path is

13:12     all about this waldorf home schooling

13:15     path is teaching culture and helping

13:17     children understand and i absolutely

13:20     go beyond what's written I go beyond

13:23     what I've written and I invite you to go

13:25     beyond what I've written

13:26     but don't eliminate don't eliminate you

13:30     know you can say I don't like those

13:32     stories those stories make me really

13:33     uncomfortable well that's your poop

13:34     that's not your child's paper so you

13:36     figure out why they make you

13:37     uncomfortable and then you go from there

13:40     because those are the things that people

13:42     that you are teaching about hold sacred

13:45     and dear so figure out figure it out

13:48     figure out why you're holding you're

13:50     struggling with that if it is something

13:52     from your past then you have to honor

13:55     your past bless your past so that it can

13:57     become wisdom you're carrying around

13:59     that past and it's in that bag of poop

14:01     that we talked about a few minutes ago

14:03     it's time you put the bag down put the

14:07     bag down you know put the bag down see

14:10     it as manure instead of dog poop and

14:13     spread that manure around so that it can

14:15     be fertilizer for some wisdom because

14:19     until we can bless our past it cannot

14:21     become wisdom and we have to be able to

14:23     do that in order to walk forward in our

14:25     emotions in order to walk forward in a

14:27     space that we can truly show up for our

14:29     children the way we want to the way we

14:32     say the way we teach that to tell other

14:34     people that we were showing up I love it

14:36     love it love it I gotta tell ya be a

14:39     little in your face she wouldn't listen

14:42     to me if I wasn't I love it when I hear

14:46     people say yeah I'm just like open and I

14:50     believe everything I think that

14:52     everybody can honor God the way they

14:53     want oh except for us you're Muslim or

14:56     except for I don't really want to hear

14:58     about the Old Testament like excuse me

15:01     back up the truck if that is truly what

15:04     you believe and you truly believe that

15:06     we should be able to love everybody and

15:08     that we should be able to understand

15:10     everybody then you take the time to

15:13     understand them otherwise don't tell

15:15     people that don't tell people that don't

15:18     go into forums on Facebook and tell

15:20     people that you're so loving and you

15:21     want to be kind and love everybody

15:23     except for these people mm-hmm very

15:27     hypocritical so be very careful very

15:31     careful

15:32     and stop stressing so much your children

15:34     aren't gonna become Jewish because you

15:35     taught them the Jewish stories in grade

15:38     3 they're just not what they're going to

15:39     do is they're going to come out of grade

15:41     3 with this amazing understanding for

15:43     their Jewish friends and when they go to

15:46     you know when they have a friend that's

15:48     Jewish or they meet somebody at the park

15:50     or you have some in your co-op that's of

15:52     that faith then they're gonna be like

15:54     hey I understand exactly what you

15:55     believe and that child the childhood

15:58     then they're talking to us give me like

15:59     wow I live in a world where nobody

16:02     understands me and my friend that's not

16:03     even if my faith understands me that

16:06     feels so good

16:07     feels so good for children when they are

16:10     understood by their peers so be the

16:13     change that you keep telling everybody

16:15     you are be the change you want to want

16:17     to see in the world and and just drink

16:21     in all the fun teach it your way

16:24     yes but teach it and love everything

16:27     that you're doing love one another hug

16:30     those children tightly you'll you'll

16:33     have me back next Monday next Monday I

16:34     will be at a house actually at a

16:37     friend's house and so I will be more

16:40     rested and we'll be back live but

16:43     tonight I'll say good night to you and

16:47     granted you'd be watching this in the

16:48     morning I'm gonna say good night to you

16:50     from Portland Oregon I hope you guys

16:52     have a wonderful week and if you're

16:55     starting school this week just jump in

16:57     and have a good time dive in enjoy

16:58     yourself you're not starting school this

17:00     week like we're doing some school I mean

17:03     like we went to the Lewis and Clark

17:04     Museum Samuel standing there Soraya's

17:07     being coming the Junior Ranger and

17:09     Samuel staying there I looked and I said

17:10     go learn something oh all right like duh

17:15     you're at the listen Clark Museum go

17:17     have a good time

17:17     so no weird absolutely doing school

17:20     things on our trip and we're having a

17:21     lot of fun and a lot of fun today so

17:24     have a good week and I'll see you all

17:26     next week

English (auto-generated)    

 


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