Ep. 165 - Rhythm is Internal

00:02     hi there I'm almost no Southwold of

00:04     essentials and today we're going to talk

00:07     about rhythm now I talk about rhythm a

00:10     lot if you go back through our Monday

00:12     videos you'll see that I talked about it

00:14     fairly regularly I talked about it in

00:17     our thinking feeling willing program in

00:18     fact it's the very first lesson and

00:20     thank you feeling willing and the reason

00:22     being is it's very much just about you

00:26     it's about sort of how you approach

00:29     things and sort of then how you run your

00:33     life and I wanted to talk about a

00:36     specific aspect of rhythm today one of

00:39     the things that I hear a lot is and it's

00:42     usually moms that are newer to Waldorf

00:44     and so I'm absolutely not criticizing I

00:48     just want you to get this piece that I'm

00:51     going to talk about today so I hear it

00:54     um often referred to as the rhythm like

00:58     it's the dog or the car or something

01:02     else that doesn't actually belong to you

01:05     and it's not something that lives in you

01:08     and I really want you to know that

01:12     rhythm absolutely lives in you it's part

01:15     of you like if you put your hand over

01:16     your heart right now just do it to do

01:19     your heart beating that's rhythm and you

01:24     feel the long the air in your lungs and

01:26     your breathing in and out that's for

01:28     them so rhythm is something that is

01:30     attached to you it lives in you and that

01:36     what's funny is that our conscious and

01:39     our subconscious brains actually shy

01:42     away from her them not because we don't

01:45     need it because look all around you

01:46     rhythm is everywhere it's in the seasons

01:48     it's in the way the planets move it's in

01:51     the tides it's in your heart beat so

01:54     rhythm is not an external it's an

01:56     internal but it's about adjusting that

01:59     internal clock so that you are

02:02     absolutely dialed in to what it needs to

02:08     be for you and your family

02:09     so when you're looking at rhythm for you

02:12     and your family if you are looking just

02:14     sort of organically even if you haven't

02:16     worked to tame your rhythm or anything

02:19     you can see a natural breathing in and

02:21     breathing out so often I will say when

02:25     people come to me and say I'm either

02:26     them was a big mess and I always have

02:28     you keep an actual rhythm chart in fact

02:30     there's a video the Monday video is

02:32     called Melissa's secret or my secret to

02:34     rhythm and that's what it's all about

02:37     it's about understanding what your

02:39     actual rhythm is so that's not the one

02:42     that you think that's pretty on the wall

02:43     or the one that's in your head that

02:45     you'd really like or that pretty one on

02:46     Pinterest it's what you actually do so

02:49     if you actually generally tend to go to

02:52     bed late and get up early write that

02:54     down or go to bed late and get up late

02:56     write that down if you tend to not have

02:59     a menu because you don't like to like

03:02     plan out what's you're eating and you

03:04     like having the chaos in your house you

03:06     need to write all those things down so

03:07     when you do this actual rhythm chart we

03:10     have you go through a full week and

03:11     write down everything and if you would

03:14     like to try this you want to hop over to

03:16     our resources page and you can grab an

03:19     actual rhythm chart there and chart it

03:21     for yourself but I start there I start

03:24     with actually understanding what is it

03:26     that I really do what do what do I do

03:29     because it's again it's not an external

03:30     it's not like the dog you walk it's not

03:32     like the car you drive in it's not the

03:34     rhythm its rhythm it's your body's or

03:37     them it's your your family is rhythm

03:40     it's is breathing in and breathing out

03:42     every day and it becomes part of you and

03:45     once you own it and you decide hey it is

03:50     mine it is mine and I own it and I am

03:54     willing to harness it the same way you

03:57     would harness what you eat the exercise

04:01     you get the sleep you should get all of

04:04     those things it's exactly the same it's

04:07     no different than changing a habit so

04:12     you're you're sort of honing those

04:14     habits and yes it can be difficult to

04:16     hone habits when you have you know four

04:19     people in your family six people in your

04:21     family

04:21     seven people in your family that

04:23     so we had we had five kids at home it

04:25     can be difficult or it feels like an

04:27     insurmountable task so you have to start

04:29     with you where them is tied to you your

04:31     family rhythm is then carried by you at

04:34     first you have to get yourself in order

04:36     and by getting yourself in order you

04:38     don't go around and you tell everybody

04:39     what they're doing wrong you do that

04:41     your actual rhythm chart and then you

04:43     look at it and you go oh man I didn't go

04:45     to bed so I get out now why should you

04:48     go to bed so you can get up you know I

04:49     have mom say to me all the time I just

04:51     you know I kept my second wind at night

04:53     even I have all this time and it feels

04:55     so good to have the quiet house I get

04:58     that but I want you to hear me it's not

05:01     your kids fault that you don't go to bed

05:02     on time so when you're in a bad mood the

05:05     next day because you only slept for four

05:07     hours or five hours it's not their fault

05:09     so you're not allowed to be mad at them

05:10     you know I'd like to be short with them

05:12     you have to show up as a nice mom even

05:15     if you're not getting enough sleep so I

05:18     want you to let that sit for a minute

05:19     because if you are robbing yourself and

05:22     your children of how you could show up

05:25     by staying up too late then you're doing

05:28     yourself a disservice and your family to

05:30     service I know that stings you like

05:32     Melissa I'm swiping away but I want you

05:34     to hear me even though it hurts when we

05:38     have to change habits is a choice for

05:40     the better so change the habit and that

05:43     doesn't mean oh no now you just have to

05:45     change it today and you've got to go to

05:47     bed and get up at or you know crack it

05:49     on no what I want you to do is look at

05:51     the actual rhythm chart in that actual

05:54     rhythm turn if you have children that

05:56     don't naturally get up until 8:00 then

05:58     you just seem to get up before them and

06:00     that might be a seven so if you go to

06:02     bed at 10:00 or 11:00 and you're getting

06:04     up at 7 that's a good time but if you

06:06     have kids that get up at 6 or at 7 then

06:10     you need to go to bed at 8 or 9 like

06:13     right around the time they do so that

06:14     you can get the sleep you need and get

06:16     it before them why do you need to get up

06:18     before them

06:19     well I don't know do you like being shot

06:21     out of a cannon every morning because I

06:22     sure don't I don't like to be like woken

06:25     up by being poked in the eyes and and

06:27     all of those things that children love

06:28     to do on the China Waqf you've totally

06:30     been there and so you really want to be

06:33     fresh and ready for the day you want to

06:35     be able to go potty by your

06:36     you know if you drink coffee get up and

06:38     drink and get your cup of coffee or get

06:39     your cup of tea get a drink of water in

06:42     the morning just sort of breathe out and

06:43     go whoo how do I want to show up today

06:45     ask yourself how do I want to show up

06:47     today and then once you've got that like

06:49     I closed my eyes and I get myself in a

06:51     good place put my left hand over my

06:53     heart because that goes right to my

06:55     heart and I ask myself how do I want to

06:57     show up today Melissa what things do you

07:00     want to bring to the world today what

07:01     things do you want to make sure you

07:02     don't do and so once I have those things

07:05     and I and I get the opportunity then to

07:08     think to myself okay

07:09     what are the things I'm trying to

07:10     manifest into my life and how do i how

07:12     do I want to feel about those things you

07:14     can't get really excited and get good

07:15     momentum behind that I can't do that if

07:17     somebody's climbing on my last nerve

07:18     already at seven o'clock in the morning

07:20     so neither can you

07:22     and so hear my advice go to bed and get

07:26     up before your kids and get that rhythm

07:28     wrangled and remember it's not an

07:31     external it's yours it's an internal

07:34     once you own it once you own it and you

07:38     hone it then you can make anything

07:41     happen you can really and truly you know

07:45     you can you can bring them all in and

07:47     they'll follow you but they're waiting

07:50     for you to leave them you're the captain

07:52     of the ship and you and your husband are

07:54     co-captains often but if you and your

07:56     partner can't get on the same page with

07:58     rhythm start with yourself first

08:01     get yours wrinkled you can say honey I

08:04     love you and I want to stay up with you

08:05     tonight but I don't want to be a mean

08:07     person to mine tomorrow and I will be if

08:09     I don't get my sleep so you're welcome

08:11     to come to bed with me

08:12     and we get up early in the morning

08:13     before those kids get up and a half time

08:15     alone or I'll just see you tomorrow I

08:18     love you

08:18     give me a kiss go to bed get the rest

08:23     you need remember rhythm belongs to you

08:26     you own it it lives inside you it's not

08:30     an external it's not like the car or the

08:33     dog or the sidewalk it's not that rhythm

08:36     it's your mother owned it