Temperaments - Choleric

"The choleric child is also susceptible of being led in a special way. Instead of winning affection by means of personal qualities, [...] we should see to it that the child's belief in the teacher's ability remains unshaken."  

Roberto Trostli, Rhythms of Learning (2017)

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00:02     so welcome to our Monday morning video

00:05     and welcome to this amazing man really

00:09     glad you should here with me today we're

00:11     talking about temperament for the next

00:14     four weeks and so I thought it would be

00:17     really helpful for you to be here so you

00:21     can sort of give the dudes perspective

00:24     lots of things

00:25     mm-hmm you know I think that it gives it

00:29     gives it another another layer it gives

00:31     another layer and and can help I think I

00:34     think when it comes to definitely like

00:39     interpersonal relationships in marriage

00:41     and and I think in the workplace to for

00:43     anybody who's watching that you know is

00:45     it homeschooling and or maybe is home

00:48     schooling and training balance a job and

00:50     set to you so but before we talk about

00:53     that before we dive into our topic I

00:55     want to give a shout out to well a

00:57     couple of things a couple of ounces

00:58     first first announcement is if you love

01:01     our many morning videos but wish you

01:03     could listen to them on podcast instead

01:05     you can now do that so if you down with

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01:12     podcasting service and then just search

01:16     for life essentials and we should come

01:17     up under Monday's with Melissa and we've

01:21     got less good mother here so up there um

01:25     and we're working to get all of them up

01:27     there so that's a maybe 17 up there now

01:30     and and I have someone fixing yeah so we

01:34     will have there's there's over 100

01:36     server 100 Monday morning videos so we

01:39     will have them most of them anything

01:42     that didn't need like a visual for we

01:45     will have over there so hop over there

01:48     download that then you can listen to it

01:50     you know as a podcast and and and I

01:55     think that's that's that's something

01:57     that we've been that people have been

01:58     asking for a lot so so there's that and

02:01     I'm super excited about that I think the

02:04     with over the next month or so we'll

02:07     probably have all of them up there and

02:08     then

02:09     we'll just build from there I think

02:10     that'll be great so then there we went

02:13     to WonderCon over the weekend and Eric

02:17     calls that what do you call it the

02:18     warmup yeah it's much smaller Comic Con

02:25     every year San Diego comic-con and so um

02:28     and and for those who have comment comes

02:31     in their town I think you should

02:33     multiply that by a hundred and then you

02:36     get San Diego comic-con there is a

02:38     hundred and thirty thousand people are

02:41     130,000 people and 135 ways the visit

02:44     San Diego comic-con every July and so

02:49     WonderCon is by the same company and

02:51     it's held in anime it's like the little

02:53     sisters yeah and so I'll be a third kind

02:57     of people but there's we don't go for

03:00     all the same we don't go for all the

03:01     days we just usually go for Saturday and

03:04     and I am always we're both always on the

03:07     lookout for artists independent artists

03:11     artists that we think we'd love to give

03:14     a shout out to and there's a couple so

03:16     first I want you to look at my earrings

03:18     so this sign is an ink corner this side

03:22     is squirrel and they're wooden and that

03:25     is from this company called unpossible

03:28     cuts and you can find them at unpossible

03:31     cuts calm they have a lot of fun

03:35     earrings necklaces and they're and

03:37     they're all wooden and so that's really

03:40     what attracted me to them at the first

03:42     place is that they were all wouldn't and

03:43     so I we were like moth to the flame they

03:47     have fun ones like I was trying to text

03:49     right into the worst one that it's like

03:51     one side is the cookie and the other

03:52     side is Mel she was like you know if

03:54     that happened that so so we have this

03:57     sad-sack then there were two companies

04:00     that we found that were there were a lot

04:03     of fun and they were they were I love

04:06     their messages so I'm always looking for

04:08     companies that they're independent

04:11     artists that have a really good messagev

04:12     and then we found so many fun ones over

04:15     the years but I wanted to share two if

04:17     you one is called Ohana bears so if

04:19     you're on Instagram pop over and check

04:20     out

04:21     Instagram Ohana bears and I think it's

04:25     Ohana bears calm it doesn't say on the

04:28     back of this car they are a fun company

04:30     and they're from Hawaii and there are

04:33     these bears that sort of mix into

04:36     Hawaiian culture and and the woman

04:39     explained to me it's just you know

04:40     there's no bears in Hawaii there's bears

04:42     on other islands that are close to

04:44     Hawaii but there's no bears in Hawaii

04:45     and so we kind of thought about this as

04:48     for people that are from other places

04:50     but their hearts are in Hawaii and I

04:52     thought that was super sweet and and so

04:54     there's these bears that are that

04:56     they're about kindness and really loved

05:00     their message and they're there are high

05:01     schoolers so that I thought was funny

05:03     too and then this one they're not all on

05:06     here history has already commented some

05:08     of them this is a company from Iceland

05:11     called truly pop I'm just gonna show it

05:14     this way they have the cutest and these

05:17     are also characters that are I love them

05:20     because they're not like majorly

05:21     commercial I like that aspect the artist

05:25     was the one that was I was talking to us

05:27     she's from Iceland and they were all

05:30     characters that are about again about

05:32     helping and about you know finding ways

05:35     to work with one another and I think

05:37     that that's I think that when we have so

05:40     much commercialism around us it's really

05:42     nice to be able to go that's cute and

05:44     and we can pull it in and it doesn't

05:46     have a TV show about it it doesn't have

05:48     a video game about it does it's not

05:49     something we're gonna see on somebody's

05:50     t-shirt it's it's just it can this be

05:53     and and you can kind of mold it into I

05:56     mean how so Sariah has had a lot of fun

05:58     with both of those we've got some pins

06:01     from both of those just for exciting

06:03     event so that was my little shout out to

06:06     companies that we met but now let's dive

06:09     in to the Boston color Costco Eric so I

06:19     started with this one because I think

06:20     it's it's easy for me to pick on myself

06:22     before people think that I'm picky on

06:25     them

06:26     so I think we'll do I can't remember the

06:28     order that Kelly put

06:29     but I think there the order is choleric

06:31     sanguine phlegmatic melancholy is what

06:34     we're doing and so I want you to know

06:36     that as we tackle each of these we're

06:39     going to talk about the good the bad and

06:40     the ugly and so I think that it is

06:44     important to know that it's okay or the

06:49     temperament you didn't want to be and I

06:52     think that you know I think I usually

06:56     will meet a lot of people they're like

06:57     I'm like well sorry I don't know what to

07:01     tell you I mean it don't say I think I'm

07:04     this not it's okay it's totally okay

07:10     often I can often I can peg somebody

07:15     from one conversation and and then often

07:21     if you're somebody that I work with and

07:23     you message me college is that crazy you

07:26     message being you say this is what I

07:28     think I am I might steer you somewhere

07:30     else and it's all out of love and the

07:35     reason why I think temperament is so so

07:37     important as once we understand

07:39     ourselves and we understand like why we

07:42     do what we do it's easy to understand

07:45     other people and it's easier to have

07:47     compassion for other people and then

07:49     navigate the best way things can happen

07:52     and especially in a family that doesn't

07:55     hurt people's feelings or well and I

07:58     think as we balance as we as we balance

08:00     and and we are conscious about it

08:03     because balancing is so so important and

08:06     being conscious of all of that is so

08:09     important then we like for me being a

08:13     choleric I could be a bull in a china

08:15     shop if I'm not careful like and be

08:19     really mean yeah I know it about myself

08:22     I know that if I let verbal diarrhea

08:25     take over it's not gonna be pretty and

08:26     there's to be lots of hurt feelings and

08:28     people might cry yeah

08:30     so I have to really temper myself and

08:32     and think about my audience talking to

08:38     and how to get that across and you know

08:40     once I really started doing that more

08:43     and that was probably I would say I have

08:48     been much more aware in probably the

08:53     last 13 14 years definitely more some

08:58     less 10 that I have been actively okay I

09:02     can't say that oh if I say that's just

09:04     gonna cry oh you know like like that

09:06     kind of situation because it isn't about

09:12     censoring myself as much as it is about

09:15     having compassion and love for the

09:17     people that are around and I think I I

09:20     struggle as a cleric I struggle with

09:22     people that are like you you don't likev

09:24     what I have to say yeah just go home I

09:27     because I hear other clinics would say

09:29     that and I and I think I hear that the

09:31     most from other calorics

09:34     and really angry melancholy that are

09:37     like in-your-face angry and so oh

09:42     summary asks so with a choleric child

09:45     bull in a china shop yes you have

09:48     question well we'll continue i'm going

09:52     to continue because like that we answer

09:53     your question I think that when we are

09:58     conscious about sort of who we are and

10:01     how we're showing up we have to we have

10:04     to make a commitment to ourselves like

10:06     how I want that to be and it's not about

10:09     outward appearances it's about what

10:11     happens in here because when I blow up

10:13     and I'm angry at somebody it doesn't

10:15     help me in here no I mean when that

10:18     happens it's like a snowball effect

10:20     because it's never about one thing no I

10:24     say chores didn't get done and this

10:28     other thing didn't get does and

10:30     something else didn't get done but what

10:32     will happen is okay this didn't get

10:35     cleaned up and then this thing and that

10:38     thing and that's thing and that thing

10:40     and then it goes like then I go alright

10:42     we just did it yeah but you push the

10:46     wrong button

10:46     they said the wrong thing

10:48     we asked her about TV one too many times

10:54     usually sounds right are really gonna

10:56     call Sam was really good at that's right

10:58     so look lewis but you know i think that

11:01     but i think that i guess from for myself

11:05     as a cleric you know i grew up an only

11:09     child so I didn't have anybody to boss

11:12     around for a long time certainly did not

11:15     boss my parents around I will say that I

11:18     am a child of the 70s I had plenty of

11:21     spankings I'm so normal but I'm not

11:24     promoting spanking at all just saying

11:26     I'm still normal and that I did not have

11:30     anybody to bust her on as a child but I

11:32     definitely can think of times in my life

11:36     in my younger childhood years where

11:39     where I wanted to lead and they wanted

11:41     to be in charge and I wanted so I can I

11:44     can think of those things but because

11:46     even though I don't have you know I

11:49     don't have contact with my birth father

11:51     he was the choleric he was the like he

11:54     was a drill sergeant for his job okay

11:56     like for reals and excuse me and so a

12:02     choleric will always yield to another

12:04     clerk that they respect i yield it to

12:07     him because he was my dad I loved him as

12:09     a child

12:10     now that story's kind of a challenge but

12:13     I yield it to him until my intellect was

12:18     strong enough to go oh wait a minute

12:21     he's a jerk he's not just my dad he's a

12:25     jerk and then after that and I was a

12:28     teenager probably when that happened I

12:30     was probably when I first started seeing

12:32     that and and of course my parents were

12:36     already divorced by then but I remember

12:38     like wondering okay who is this dude

12:41     like like why because you you go through

12:43     this period I think when you're about 15

12:47     or so years old where you're you go from

12:50     like having feeling like you knew

12:54     everything within you that everything

12:57     was right with the war

12:57     - then this transition of oh wait a

13:00     minute it's not at all like I like I

13:02     thought it was or it's changing and that

13:04     can be a very traumatic time I think for

13:07     other temperaments I think for me it was

13:10     like this i opening i think that that

13:13     coal eric's we're very like okay well

13:15     that's wrong and i can just pick up my

13:17     ladder with to the wall sort of

13:19     situation so i feel like like for me it

13:23     was very much a okay well this is how he

13:26     is going to show up and he's always

13:28     showing up this way and now as an adult

13:31     looking back I can see all of the ways

13:32     he always showed up that way even though

13:34     I loved him in respected him as a child

13:36     so Col Eric will always heal to another

13:38     cleric that they trust they will also

13:40     yield to another temperament if they

13:42     trust them but if they don't trust them

13:45     they will not yield and they will be

13:47     Murray this answers your question they

13:49     will be more of a bull in a china shop

13:51     if they do not respect you Morrissey

13:54     right there so she says I don't see that

13:58     child is angry necessarily but he has

14:01     just full go yeah yeah yeah I don't

14:03     think it has anything to do with anger

14:05     and that can be scary to so many non

14:09     choleric kids so you are saying I need

14:12     to teach him compassion towards everyone

14:14     else give me some words to give my child

14:16     please like I feel okay so definitely

14:21     the choleric child needs empathy lessons

14:25     I don't think we show up with with a

14:28     great deal of empathy I think that I

14:31     have good friendships growing up but it

14:35     was like if I look back on them most of

14:37     them I was always lay in it yes my mom

14:39     said hey mom if you're here I think I

14:42     was always the dominant one it was

14:44     always had to dominate and it wasn't

14:46     until again I for instance in high

14:52     school not only was I in a space where I

14:57     felt like I had to be top dog as the

15:01     girlfriend most of my friends were guys

15:04     because in my head and Michael Eric had

15:06     I was like

15:07     so much easier to not deal with all of

15:09     that emotion that girls come they cut

15:12     girls come with sometimes and in

15:15     learning how to deal with my own

15:17     emotions at the same time so as I think

15:18     it's very multi-layered and and so it

15:21     was just easier for me to be friends

15:23     with guys because I knew that you know

15:27     especially once that it wasn't

15:28     romantically like wanting to have

15:31     anything to do with because it was easy

15:32     for me to just be show up as I was and

15:35     it wasn't a big deal and then they they

15:37     could take me for that and not think I

15:39     was some girl that was pining over them

15:41     so I did have that you know that going

15:45     on in high school but I also think that

15:47     really what happened was once I started

15:50     to develop my empathy and and I you know

15:54     we come with some of it but I think that

15:56     so much is nurture so much is like how

16:00     my mother showed up and and how she you

16:05     know for all of the the things that the

16:09     she quote/unquote didn't do right there

16:12     were a thousand things that she did do

16:14     right as far as like helping me to see

16:16     to have more feelings about things

16:19     helping me to foster a relationship with

16:22     with God and source and to keep that as

16:25     that because that became a lifeline for

16:29     me I think towards empathy and in

16:31     understanding that and so I think that

16:34     even though I walked away from a lot of

16:37     that for my childhood it definitely

16:39     helped me to very much be grounded in

16:43     the space of understanding empathy and

16:46     then as I got older you know I think

16:48     that a choleric boy has a different set

16:52     than a cleric girl a cleric girl that

16:54     grows up to have a family like the the

16:57     moment you start carrying a child you

17:01     should have some empathy things that

17:03     just start clicking into place because

17:05     you're you're automatically your have to

17:07     nurture your body so that you can

17:08     nurture somebody else and if you are

17:11     emotionally healthy those are the things

17:14     that click into place

17:14     so for a choleric boy I would definitely

17:18     make sure that you are saying

17:20     things like hey let's think about how

17:24     this person feels like how would you

17:28     feel if and and put them in because I

17:32     think that from a choleric because

17:34     perspective once when I stopped to think

17:37     about how somebody else would feel when

17:39     I act a certain way it doesn't matter

17:42     what temperament they are I start to go

17:44     huh okay I can see that I may not like

17:49     it are you kidding me why does she have

17:55     to think that way but it definitely

18:00     gives me more perspective and so some

18:03     things that you can do now Marie are

18:05     just you know I would just teach him

18:08     let's talk about that and I would do it

18:13     proactively so I would proactively

18:16     discuss let's talk about these friends

18:20     that you have or let's talk about you

18:23     know this other adult that you're

18:24     struggling with because if you don't

18:26     like I can remember one of the things

18:28     that in in like I said my dad was a

18:30     drill sergeant so it was always like you

18:32     better behave because if you don't so

18:35     there was it there that that fear

18:37     attached to it and I don't want to

18:38     parent that way but that definitely for

18:41     me was a place for me to go better keep

18:44     my mouth shut like what teachers with

18:47     you know no matter what situation I was

18:49     in unless I knew better or unless I

18:52     could go toe-to-toe with somebody I was

18:55     just quiet you know and I'm not a quiet

18:58     person you know and one thing that's

19:00     tricky is when you have a choleric child

19:03     and you are not choleric right because

19:06     Saraya is very much a mold of her mother

19:08     she puts a tremendous amount of

19:14     everything she does so I might I have to

19:17     think like three steps ahead of her go

19:19     to directions you know if I don't show

19:22     all of a sudden like take charge of

19:24     things but three steps ahead it's really

19:25     funny that you say that because three

19:27     steps ahead when wait when Eric and I

19:28     were dating he would say things like

19:31     you're always three steps ahead

19:34     and it was really funny

19:36     oh good morning mom we're talking about

19:39     my bossy childhood so if you're

19:41     listening and you want to weigh in

19:42     you're welcome to Marie says I am mostly

19:46     sanguine but I have to be choleric with

19:48     him and I don't look like I am overly

19:51     empathetic myself yeah that can be a

19:53     struggle whistle sanguine sometimes I

19:55     care about people but to a girl

19:58     phlegmatic like me yes and so you know

20:01     definitely what I would say is so for

20:06     you being sanguine and we'll talk about

20:07     this a lot more next week but I think

20:09     like this thing when you have to slow

20:11     down often what looks like you mean is

20:15     just you're in a hurry you're like okay

20:17     I'm done with that yeah I go to this

20:18     place and and that's right sanguine is

20:21     my secondary so it's very easy for me to

20:23     be like okay it's a good point and I'm

20:27     already thinking about something else

20:28     but as an adult as a grownup that really

20:31     seeks to be balanced I have to slow down

20:35     and so that's what I'm saying to you

20:37     or you have to slow down oh girl was a

20:42     typo oh I meant to say I don't look

20:47     empathetic but I am NOT okay so I think

20:52     that you have to you have to know

20:54     knowing yourself and knowing sort of how

20:58     you are showing up you have to stop and

21:02     ask yourself how do I look to these

21:04     other people because I think that as a

21:08     grownup that wants to show up in an

21:10     empathetic way you have to decide that

21:16     it's not their job it's not the other

21:20     person's job to go well she's just

21:23     cleric and she's mean or she's just

21:25     singling and she doesn't care or she's

21:27     just it's your job to connect and the

21:31     people that you choose to connect with

21:32     and when you connect first then you will

21:37     build a bridge and so you know it's

21:40     really easy for me to just answer the

21:42     question

21:43     but when somebody takes the time

21:46     to email me or message me or even call

21:49     me on the phone and they take the time

21:51     to ask me about me it's my job to also

21:55     say talk to me about you how are you

21:57     doing today and actively listen the best

22:00     thing you could do as a choleric or any

22:03     temperament but one is that they tend to

22:05     have a lot of will and when you tend to

22:07     be like really fast is to learn to

22:09     actively listen and to slow down I'm

22:12     gonna get some comments over here this

22:15     person says we also praise my child's

22:18     efforts when we see it something like I

22:20     saw you helped your friend when they I'm

22:22     proud of you I think that's I think

22:24     that's great I think that that's great

22:26     for all temperaments but I think the

22:27     choleric needs to see that you are

22:30     seeing them I think that when they don't

22:34     think you are seeing them then they get

22:36     louder then they get more boisterous

22:39     then they get more frustrated angry

22:42     aggressive especially from a child's

22:46     perspective actually I think of some

22:48     adults they not to myself but some

22:52     adults that I go you know you don't have

22:55     to be like that right like like in my

22:57     head and so you can definitely tell an

23:00     unbalanced choleric adult when they

23:02     won't yield to anyone even another

23:04     cleric that they trust because they

23:06     don't trust anybody

23:08     she also says it also helps to learn

23:10     words to attach to their feelings I

23:12     agree I agree um I think that I would be

23:17     very careful with what some forms of

23:21     communication because I think they can

23:24     be manipulative there we go that was the

23:30     word is looking for but I think that

23:32     when you when you can say things like I

23:34     feel instead of you made me feel when

23:39     you can say things like I feel this way

23:41     or like as a mom that's choleric and

23:44     trying to build that in Soraya I will

23:46     say things like let's talk about how you

23:49     feel and then I'm gonna want to talk

23:51     about how that other person feels doing

23:53     that over and over and over again then

23:56     when you are in the thick of it

23:58     with them and another child you can stop

24:00     them and say hey remember we had this

24:02     talk the other day about how other

24:03     people might feel and they go yeah I'm

24:06     sorry because the trick for the cleric

24:09     is to have somebody say when they when

24:11     they when they apologize that they mean

24:13     it and not just that it's like why I

24:16     have to say this so I can get over it

24:18     you is the trick is to have that empathy

24:21     please kick in and I think that for

24:23     Sariah I'm definitely seeing it in her

24:25     she's almost eight years old

24:26     and we've worked with her a lot she

24:28     often a choleric child that gets I think

24:32     more boisterous as because they're

24:35     confused so why the rest of the world is

24:37     showing up this way and so when you can

24:40     help them not be confused it's super

24:42     helpful and really says oh that makes

24:45     sense as a Sinkin when I get angry I try

24:48     to do all to do all the things and my

24:51     poor seven-year-old is just not moving

24:53     fast enough

24:53     yeah yes one thing one thing I guess

25:00     I've learned about clerics is when a

25:03     clerics unbalanced then you might come

25:06     up with a to you list for the day that's

25:07     not realistic and but the thing is is

25:11     like on my end I go although I'm like

25:15     that can't happen because watch means

25:18     much to happen to get over here and you

25:20     have to factor in that it's rush hour or

25:22     it's spring break and it's gonna take 20

25:25     minutes to get out of where we live and

25:28     then flip side of that you might say you

25:31     will you you're under estimating how

25:34     much we get done and somehow if you take

25:37     what I'm saying what you're saying

25:38     anymore in the - yeah we in the middle

25:40     it's accurate absolutely and I think

25:43     it's totally I completely agree but you

25:45     know I have to say that so so Eric is my

25:50     second husband my other owns the

25:52     practice

25:54     we have been married for almost 14 years

25:57     only 14 years this year like a cell

25:59     amazing wait I can count now

26:03     listen choleric ladies and gentlemen I

26:06     can count all of our fights on one hand

26:09     and have fingers left over and a lot of

26:12     that is because I have to decide what I

26:15     want to fight about what is it that I'm

26:18     going no that's my line in the sand and

26:21     a lot of it is him going she just being

26:24     mad right now

26:24     and she will stop if I just if I say the

26:28     sexiest words which are what can I do to

26:30     help

26:30     said I'm like thank you you can do this

26:33     right here and then my job is to soften

26:37     and to breathe and to get like through

26:40     that emotion I think that excuse me I

26:44     think that having that space to really

26:48     understand myself allows me then to go

26:53     you know what forward let's see another

26:56     one over here I statements yeah this is

26:58     an imam said i statements i statements

27:00     are super important i feel instead of

27:02     you do this to me

27:03     another mom says i would love to see the

27:05     rest of this video I have to get going

27:07     do you post it somewhere I can finish it

27:08     later yes you can actually catch it on

27:11     our YouTube channel YouTube and go stuff

27:14     usually by then

27:15     yeah and it's in our link of the profile

27:17     link so you can catch it there you can

27:19     also catch the replay will be an audio

27:23     on Spreaker as a podcast so you just

27:25     look up all their essentials over there

27:26     okay so let's see here's the first one

27:30     so Marie says also you feel like as a

27:34     choleric you are not asked about so I

27:38     don't have those opportunities often I

27:41     like I often just have my stuff together

27:44     so people think everything is fine I am

27:47     trying to observe everyone more I do

27:49     think that Cole Eric's were really good

27:52     at hiding crap we're really good at like

27:56     nope nobody has to see what's bad in my

28:00     life

28:01     and that's a good thing I think I think

28:04     that for every choleric that hides stuff

28:06     there's a melancholy that lets it all

28:09     hang out so I think I think we have

28:17     probably too much we hold on to too much

28:20     definitely I think that when I think of

28:24     stressful times in our life if I didn't

28:28     have him to help balance me with that I

28:31     think that I would have had another

28:34     stroke way I definitely think one of the

28:38     things that I was thinking about the

28:39     other day yes I would love to see a

28:42     study done on illness and temperament

28:47     because I think that all of the heart

28:50     stuff blood pressure stuff those are all

28:52     clerics it's like oh we have had it and

28:55     y'all need to probably listen to me and

29:00     if you don't I'm gonna die in a vein

29:02     where I think that other temperaments

29:06     tend to be more like like letting it eat

29:09     them inside and so that shows up in

29:13     other ways sorry one thing with us that

29:16     that we've both learned is that and

29:18     that's a plague Matic it's easy for me

29:20     to go well she has an exact way she

29:22     likes things done and she really wants

29:25     these things done so I'm just gonna go

29:28     hang out over here

29:30     oh wait and just then you like you get

29:32     exhausted and worn out because right I'm

29:35     Jessica well she I think I do it as good

29:37     as she can do it so I'm gonna let her do

29:39     all the things right no I think that's a

29:42     really good point you're like hey I'm

29:44     like exhausted because I'm doing all the

29:46     things well because the choleric will

29:48     not ask for help we have a really hard

29:50     time asking for help so so then yeah so

29:52     then I'm like okay well what is it that

29:54     I can do and there's there's a process

29:57     where you've had to let go that these

29:59     things might not get done exactly how I

30:01     won but if I do everything then I can't

30:05     do the two or three things that are

30:07     super important the way I want to

30:09     because I'm spread thin and then I start

30:12     resenting people that are off by goofing

30:13     off because there

30:15     doing any other thing and I'm doing all

30:17     the things absolutely I think that goes

30:19     for every level of my life so we got a

30:22     great business coach last year and he

30:26     was like you need to start hitting

30:27     things off I was like wise I can't do

30:30     that

30:30     this that's Kelly she's like please put

30:32     more things on my plate and so it has

30:36     definitely been a process of me being

30:37     able to go okay well you can have that

30:38     you know that then I don't need to do

30:40     this and and it's it's but it's

30:42     definitely a process it's a process and

30:44     what the the other thing that we have

30:46     trouble with is well they don't have a

30:48     good relationship with time time does

30:51     not always work for me and it's because

30:55     I try to do too much so some of that

30:56     could definitely be like because my

30:58     secondary is definitely sanguine pushing

31:00     more things into that that space but

31:02     then there's the choleric immune that's

31:03     like no I'm gonna do it all just like I

31:08     get uncomfortable about about being late

31:12     the things before we go it's like we

31:17     don't have time yes we do a stop so that

31:23     like Harry Potter

31:24     yeah time Ben anything so movie balance

31:27     ourselves out there certain things I

31:28     would never get done right if it was all

31:30     up to me but then there's things that

31:32     there's things that were as if it was

31:37     things that also wouldn't happen if I

31:40     wasn't like absolutely it's a very good

31:44     balance but I once I won't say to that

31:47     he is a very good balance because he is

31:50     a balance phlegmatic if you were an

31:53     unbalanced phlegmatic you'd be like out

31:55     of here

31:55     go ahead I was just in here but had this

31:57     video game we wouldn't let me marry it

31:59     it's not really case well we we've

32:01     talked to families were like you know

32:05     what I'm just I'm just gonna sit here

32:08     and play this video well I would say

32:10     that I think I think when in a

32:13     traditional situation nice a traditional

32:15     doesn't mean it's right or wrong

32:17     traditional situation where mom is

32:19     staying home and dad's going off to work

32:21     so if there's if that data spike Matic

32:24     when he comes home

32:25     he is probably also introverted that I

32:29     don't think off like Maddox are

32:30     introverted but I definitely think that

32:31     a lot are and so he's like I have dealt

32:35     with people all day adjusting to be in

32:37     my bubble and I know you've dealt with

32:39     these people all day I need to be my

32:41     bubble and that has to be like oh wait a

32:44     minute it's my turn to be on and I think

32:48     that that that is something that is

32:51     really hard for a lot of dads that that

32:54     have that temperament and and so I would

32:58     say to those dads that are listening

32:59     take your your introspective time on

33:03     your way home park a block away take 10

33:06     minutes spend 10 minutes not listening

33:09     to the news not on your phone just

33:13     taking in the silence so that you can

33:16     walk in the door and help your the

33:18     moment and help mom we've got some over

33:20     here too

33:21     tally says can you be forced to be a

33:24     temperament and then reach a breaking

33:26     point

33:26     then switch because your body a mental

33:28     state won't allow it anymore I know what

33:31     you are talking about and the answer is

33:33     no but I will say this your secondary

33:37     view your secondary could start to kick

33:40     in but I'm thinking about I am and we'll

33:44     talk about this a lot more when we get

33:46     to the melancholy a lot of moms think

33:51     that they are choleric and they're not

33:53     so here's how you know that you're not I

33:57     think that in and I know people will

34:02     argue with me this choleric secondary is

34:06     is almost always sanguine because for a

34:11     couple of reasons

34:12     so excuse me a color either they're

34:17     either they have a secondary of sanguine

34:20     or they're just pure full-on unbalanced

34:22     choleric and I know this is like the

34:24     Gospel according to Melissa but I don't

34:27     want to study on this and this is why I

34:28     think this a CO lyrics need to dominate

34:32     does not come from emotion it does not

34:37     come from situation

34:39     it comes from in here if you are if you

34:46     think you are choleric but you can't get

34:48     through a commercial without crying

34:51     you're not color cuz I don't like screw

34:54     that commercial off that your melancholy

34:57     that's really pissed off and that can

35:00     show up as being a cleric clerics

35:03     generally are not passive-aggressive

35:06     they're not they're not underhanded

35:09     thinking about what they can do to hurt

35:10     somebody else they're they're not in

35:12     that place a melancholy that is really

35:15     angry and and melech and has had too

35:17     much on his or her plate for too long

35:20     without any help can absolutely show up

35:23     and look cool Eric in their anger and

35:25     their yelling and they're screaming the

35:28     way you know you're not is that you are

35:32     hooked on your emotions and those are

35:35     always going to pull you back it is

35:37     really easy for me to walk away from an

35:41     emotional situation and be like I'm done

35:43     so when I was going through my divorce

35:45     dear friend of mine that I had helped go

35:48     through her divorce and I was like great

35:50     she's gonna be on my side she's gonna

35:52     help me out through my divorce no she

35:54     was not because it was too painful for

35:57     her she's definitely

35:59     she was definitely melancholy and even

36:02     though she was pretty balanced she was

36:03     like I don't know how you can be ready

36:05     to end your marriage and have it not

36:07     tear you up and I was like because I was

36:08     done five years ago so like for me I was

36:11     like I'm already finished I just see the

36:13     size of paper could you just watch my

36:15     kid while I go sign the paper and so

36:18     it's from a very different place we can

36:20     get over things like that like that so

36:23     that's how you know if you think that

36:26     you are choleric and you are hanging on

36:30     to things you're not choleric because we

36:32     don't hang on to things I cannot

36:34     remember what have a records just so

36:37     that's part of my sink under there but

36:39     really in truly is because I got all

36:40     this chapter said I'm moving on I felt

36:43     be like you're gone that's high five

36:45     years ago

36:48     you storm out yeah what are you talking

36:51     about so okay so when it says first

36:55     Stacy says I'm laughing out loud this is

36:57     me I am just starting to realize and

36:59     then Lenin says I'm pretty sure that my

37:01     nine-year-old is melancholic but he has

37:04     enormous appear choleric and just not

37:06     when angry but he doesn't appear as

37:09     clerk all the time I know you said that

37:11     mix doesn't really happen I read between

37:13     forming freedom that many melancholic

37:15     children turn grew up to be Clark what

37:17     do you think okay so that this was the

37:19     other thing that was going to say so I'm

37:20     glad you brought that up

37:23     often a phlegmatic will confuse

37:27     themselves as a melancholy because even

37:31     though the suit is usually really

37:33     Pleasant and calm if you piss him off

37:37     that is not the case he can get more

37:42     angry than I could ever dream to get why

37:45     because you're attached to the emotion

37:47     of it I'm not usually attached to the

37:49     emotion of it so I think that but that

37:52     doesn't just go for anger that goes for

37:54     any project like like you get a flag

37:58     matic going on a project that they are

38:00     dialed into and there is no stopping

38:02     them so Steiner called the phlegmatic

38:05     the sleeping choleric so if you can

38:07     think of an ocean away and it crest

38:08     sopressa crest you know it's just kind

38:10     of a minute comes down mm-hmm

38:12     that's the phlegmatic so what you may be

38:14     seeing is a child that is melancholy

38:16     with a secondary of phlegmatic I see

38:18     that one a lot that's super Sam super

38:20     Sam this flag matic with the sign of

38:21     melancholy Becca says how do you sort

38:25     out PTSD okay yes we're going to talk

38:26     about that because it can change you as

38:30     a child does it make a try temperament

38:33     do you still have a primary and a

38:35     secondary plus and other or does a

38:36     replace it so there are times in our

38:39     lives when we can have something

38:44     traumatic happen and I do think it

38:46     changes your it changes how you show up

38:49     I don't know that it I don't know that I

38:53     believe because I really believe because

38:55     people have asked me this question how

38:56     is it different

38:57     the temperament type or the the

38:59     personality types

39:01     I believe that temperament is attached

39:03     to your soul so this means it's gone

39:05     we're so who we are where I believe that

39:08     the personality types that we have sort

39:10     of are attached to this human existence

39:13     this space and so that really takes you

39:15     like understanding and believing that we

39:18     have a soul way of a spirit we are not

39:19     just who we are showing up at and so

39:22     when you can see that then you can then

39:26     you can really sort of dial into so what

39:29     how did I show up and I think that when

39:32     we have things that happen in our lives

39:34     that change us that change us at our

39:36     core

39:37     whether it be abuse as a child or abuse

39:39     as an adult those things really change

39:43     us and and I remember when we need to

39:47     have this talk it was years ago about

39:50     like trying to figure out what

39:52     temperament my mom was and if you're

39:54     still listening well you might enjoy

39:55     this conversation because while she had

39:59     this great amazing childhood she was

40:01     abused and and and so that changed her

40:05     how she showed up and and and it's it's

40:09     it's amazing to watch her now because

40:12     she's definitely been in recovery of

40:15     that for a lot of years and and and her

40:18     what I believe she was as a child is

40:21     finally coming back out in a not finally

40:25     I think it's coming coming back out in

40:27     the last 10 years or so 10 to 20 years

40:29     in a very like beautiful way and she's

40:33     very balanced and so I think that we

40:36     have to look at those abuse markers or

40:40     those life-changing event markers and

40:44     try to go back before that but if you

40:47     have where abused as a child and you

40:48     can't remember before that you really

40:50     have to like take where you are now and

40:54     you have to separate when things come up

40:57     you have to ask yourself is this is this

41:00     coming from me or is it coming from that

41:02     way so my

41:03     had that I can't ever shut off because

41:05     there was that voice in your head that's

41:06     you know really critical I love it on

41:08     our business talk

41:10     I don't business group they call that

41:12     voice Janice what I think solarium is

41:14     Janice talking named Janice but they

41:18     voice of fighter boy since I've had that

41:20     puts doubt in you notice women called it

41:22     as you called it Janice so now let's do

41:24     this joke that is Janice was talking but

41:26     it if it is if it is a voice in your

41:29     head that is not does not come from you

41:32     and you have to stop and sit with it and

41:33     I can say where does this come from this

41:36     has come from me or is this coming from

41:39     all the minutiae of stuff that I have

41:41     let people give to me over the years so

41:43     I think that that's a really important

41:45     thing I will also say I think that my

41:48     stroke because I had a stroke um hyssop

41:52     animals it's been five years so I guess

41:56     just rise about to be rainy person six

41:58     years anyway it's not ears yeah I think

42:02     that what my stroke did was because it

42:06     completely changed my way of thinking

42:09     i as a choleric i was think i would've

42:13     died that's not okay with me

42:16     I have something to do it's like the

42:18     cool air could me that's like uh not

42:21     having a conversation then I had to have

42:23     another conversation which was you know

42:26     chill out there and so I would say I

42:29     have picked up a lot more phlegmatic

42:33     traits since then in that I am able to

42:37     relax more than I was so traumatic

42:39     events definitely change our lives but

42:42     it doesn't change who we are at a core I

42:44     don't believe I

42:45     okay so Marie says I stay away from

42:47     emotional situations they are so

42:49     draining it's not because they don't

42:51     care it's because it's not productive or

42:53     something so so I will talk about this a

42:56     lot more when we talk about sanguine but

42:59     I think that one thing we have to do so

43:05     hilarious insane winds tend to be in the

43:07     space of not being able to handle a

43:09     motion or and it's not because we're I

43:11     kind it's just because we can like you

43:14     like that and you know

43:16     and so I think that in order to balance

43:19     in order to have others see our empathy

43:25     we have to stand in their Senate for a

43:27     little bit and that can sometimes yes

43:30     it's draining but it also builds these

43:34     bridges and so we have to sort of take

43:36     those bridges and cultivate them and

43:39     build them brick by brick and and that

43:41     does that doesn't happen by us just

43:43     turning it off we have to be able to

43:45     stand in their side with them carry

43:48     tissue stood in your purse and just like

43:50     be able to breathe with them because

43:52     they think that that is that shows them

43:54     the other temperaments how much you love

43:57     and care for them it's not enough and

44:00     you know as the cleric I'm like can't

44:02     you I said I love you like what else do

44:04     you need from me but we have to show it

44:09     and and that is definitely this further

44:11     place in balancing it's this further

44:13     place and like what do we want next

44:15     what where do we want when we want

44:18     people to do we want to be approachable

44:20     do we want to be allowed to do we want

44:23     to be seen as loving and I think

44:27     especially for in any kind of leadership

44:29     position or where you're working with

44:31     other people regularly you have to be

44:33     willing to stand in that place of sad

44:35     like that so ok managed to see she said

44:38     she does say all temperaments are

44:40     amazing they are Becca Barrett says does

44:42     that replace the primary or secondary or

44:45     maybe the 3rd I don't think every place

44:48     is that I think that it's just a longer

44:51     journey I think that when you have been

44:54     abused as a child I think it might be a

44:56     longer journey to sorting things out but

44:59     I think that what because I think it

45:02     will take you longer but I do think that

45:03     it does not necessarily replace but it

45:06     might sort of sit on top of on top of

45:09     that other way that some comments over

45:11     here is going to grab

45:15     I find that when my child is

45:16     misunderstood or struggles to revise her

45:19     feelings that's when the meltdowns

45:20     happened yes yes yes when I take the

45:23     time to slow down listen and repeat what

45:26     they say so they know I hear yes I think

45:29     that I think that that's super super

45:32     important I think that when it comes to

45:36     children that are choleric we have to be

45:39     able to that's when they that's what's

45:41     right it's almost when she's frustrated

45:43     at something whether it's not being

45:46     heard thinking she heard something that

45:49     she didn't or upset that she can't make

45:52     something happen in her little body

45:54     that's Evan and wishes that you know she

45:56     can make everything that's happening

45:57     inside her head like come to fruition

45:58     yeah I think that that's when we see

46:01     this temper tantrums the most with them

46:04     so and so I think that um the best thing

46:10     that we can do is recognize because

46:12     they're gonna get over it lickety-split

46:14     they will they were you know melancholic

46:16     child is gonna want to cry out afternoon

46:19     and-and-and and then keep coming back to

46:22     it but a choleric child generally be

46:25     generally well they will remember the

46:28     other things that happens they will

46:30     generally be like dice and so it's a

46:33     matter of helping them get to that done

46:35     space while still saying that you hear

46:38     them and so while they might just seem

46:41     like really defiant or really angry and

46:46     really I think it's a lot of just about

46:48     extra emotion and so one thing that

46:50     helps to write at a time don't think it

46:54     would have helped Sam the situation that

46:56     sounds had like one tantrum his entire

46:57     life if he was - oh he's so chill one

47:03     thing that really helps her is when

47:04     she's in that place I make a run we just

47:09     I make her run when she is in a tantrum

47:12     she cannot get it and if I have and

47:14     usually because I've not caught it I

47:16     haven't caught it and so like before it

47:19     starts so my job your job as mom has to

47:22     be like you've got to hold the space and

47:24     be aware and we listen

47:25     and and feeling because you're connected

47:28     so feeling for your child if I have not

47:32     caught her her before she spirals out of

47:34     control or if somebody else is in charge

47:39     with her and she's Bionic in control

47:42     then then we remove her from the

47:45     situation and we go I go you gotta run

47:47     until you can stop like doing that like

47:50     the anger you got to get it up because

47:52     action like movement moves the brain it

47:57     creates Clary action reads clarity so

48:00     action breeds clarity in the brain

48:02     that's where all temperaments but when

48:04     it comes to especially the cleric child

48:08     that is so angry and so in that moment

48:10     because we do live in the moment you've

48:13     got to get them out of that space and so

48:15     making her run somebody says how do you

48:18     make her run I just go run and she

48:21     listens to me but again she respects me

48:26     because of how I show up and I show up

48:29     consistently so she knows oh she said

48:31     run so I'm gonna have to run and and she

48:35     doesn't run because she's afraid she's

48:37     gonna get a beating she doesn't rhyme

48:38     because just afraid she's gonna get me

48:40     screaming at her she runs because I said

48:43     run and she respects me because of our

48:46     temperaments and so um I think that when

48:50     you can be in that space of really

48:52     showing up for your children the way

48:53     they need you to now that also means

48:55     that if you are not a cleric parent and

48:58     you have a cleric child you have to know

49:01     how to show it for them and that means

49:03     you cannot be wishy-washy if you are

49:06     parenting a cleric child especially when

49:10     they're out of early childhood and

49:12     they're moving into this beautiful space

49:14     that's going to eventually be adulthood

49:16     you need them up there flipping lessons

49:18     ready for them you need to be ready for

49:20     them if you are not ready for them and

49:23     on it you're going to struggle you have

49:27     to be on point for them that is just how

49:30     it is a phlegmatic or a melancholic I

49:34     might be like

49:34     it's alright don't say I'll be like I'm

49:38     just gonna sit here like this book

49:39     surprise like where's my lesson what are

49:42     we doing today

49:43     I need to know and and that's how she

49:46     shows up now I know when she's 12 14 16

49:49     it's just gonna be the shield will

49:51     always keep us on our toes so when you

49:53     join your school planning I would plan

49:55     for you clarin child first so that you

49:57     know know just dress about it again

50:02     I think minutes definitely about sort of

50:05     how you can show up for them and and and

50:09     then if your cleric mom how you show up

50:12     for them for those that are not in that

50:15     temperament you gonna talk about that

50:17     really quick agenda says yes I'm

50:18     learning so tricky oh yes she does have

50:21     a sweet little colored girl and Jenna is

50:24     like you she's very she's play at it

50:26     mm-hmm so she I watched it the other day

50:29     so her little girls like I'm in charge

50:33     and she's just laughing sure it was

50:36     funny yes funny it's right it's like

50:40     that's not how you would tell me I'm not

50:45     in charge that's because I'm choleric

50:47     and I'd be like no you're not that Jen

50:50     was like okay you know in just that it

50:54     was very home she didn't have to engage

50:56     with her and so it was really funny to

50:59     watch my dear we're probably yeah we

51:02     need to wrap it up so I wanted to say

51:03     really quickly if you are cleric mom and

51:05     you have a child that is melancholy

51:08     please please please do not show guys

51:11     blazing you have to really think about

51:14     them you know our oldest daughter is

51:16     melancholy and cool that was a training

51:18     that was the training and learning how

51:20     to deal with with melancholy there are

51:22     things that you can say that will be

51:25     taken differently by every temperament

51:28     so you you want to be careful how you

51:30     say them you you want to make sure that

51:33     you are appealing to their space of how

51:38     they are showing up and so you know

51:40     often what we got from from Elinor was

51:43     you really get me and I was like

51:44     I did tell you what you need to get done

51:47     so you want to like see how you want to

51:50     you know be careful what that her mind

51:52     the more was something she didn't want

51:54     to hear and her mind a lot of right

51:56     right exactly that was exactly it and I

51:59     do think that so your melancholy and

52:00     your like people are yelling at me all

52:02     the time I think it's a good thing to

52:03     think about like is it just because I

52:05     don't want to hear this

52:06     the phlegmatic like to parents am I just

52:10     have to look at him sideways and I can

52:11     make him cry so I'm really careful about

52:13     like hey um this needs to be done okay

52:17     I'll go and do it

52:19     yes and so and I don't do that I'm sorry

52:23     so I'm like okay you don't say you're

52:25     sorry unless you actually hurt somebody

52:26     so if you didn't that I'm sorry I'm

52:28     sorry it's because trying to cover your

52:29     butt so stop it

52:31     because that just doesn't like it's a

52:34     choleric I'm like that that's it's

52:36     unnecessary words so I am very careful

52:39     about how I approach Sam no Isaac

52:42     Larrick mom he can take forever to eat

52:45     Eric loves that they go on Wednesdays

52:49     you all take an hour to eat your lunch

52:50     up you've been to the library I can't do

52:52     that

52:53     it when they go with me they're like

52:55     wait aren't we going you know what no

52:57     going through the drive-thru what what

52:59     is going on well we go with Daddy go I

53:01     know but you know what Dad today today

53:03     oh there was one time we did that and we

53:05     had comments so how do we support a

53:14     melancholy choleric they're not both go

53:18     back and watch from the beginning

53:19     seven-year-old child going through big

53:22     emotions i'm choleric and sanguine and i

53:24     find the melancholy to be challenging

53:25     for me so what you have is an unbalanced

53:27     melancholy and and of course they are

53:30     that's okay because they're seven right

53:32     so your job is to sort through that so

53:35     go back and watch from the beginning we

53:37     talked about why i truly believe that

53:40     those two not come together and that's

53:43     because that anger comes from a

53:44     different place when your choleric than

53:46     it does when your melancholy so you want

53:48     to approach that child in the way that

53:52     you you want to definitely put on your

53:55     feelings and and like I said that's a

53:57     harder space for a cleric mom you

53:59     definitely want to approach that child

54:03     with I'm sorry what can I do to help or

54:07     don't try to cheer them up

54:09     do not ever that's the clerics the

54:12     biggest mistake is trying to cheer up a

54:13     like melancholy

54:15     don't ever try to cheer up a melancholy

54:17     like ever it's not necessary it will

54:20     just make them more angry so you want to

54:22     say things like I say that you're really

54:24     upset what can one do to help or I see

54:27     that you're mad that I asked you to do

54:29     this and I am sorry that you're mad but

54:31     we're going to do it anyway but not

54:33     neglect is probably the best thing that

54:35     you can do as a parent you don't have to

54:38     engage you don't have to show up to

54:40     every fight and and so you know I've

54:43     often told my children just um if you

54:46     are wanting to fight with me you got

54:49     last things here okay so Danna says so I

54:52     think I should be reluctant to type a

54:55     four-year-old but I do think that my

54:56     daughter is cleric can Eric talk a bit

54:59     about the flag matic dad parenting a

55:01     choleric daughter specifically to the

55:03     idea of cultivating respect well with

55:05     suryya

55:06     I know that I have to be mentally

55:08     prepared for what I think she's going to

55:11     do and I have to set firm boundaries

55:14     that she understands so that I go these

55:17     are the wines that if you cross we're

55:20     having a problem right because I think

55:21     that um any other temperament so if the

55:24     cleric will go okay well there's the

55:26     line and they'll just go right into it

55:28     usually mm-hmm you most days they won't

55:31     try to step over it they'll just go

55:33     right up to it because they know that

55:34     it's firm and it's there

55:35     but if it's not firm they'll be like I'm

55:37     just saying climb all over it because

55:39     suryya can be very persistent and if

55:42     there's something she wants to do but it

55:43     doesn't really fit or it isn't something

55:45     that she should even be doing anyway

55:47     okay then it's like I know okay this

55:50     isn't happening today I got a great idea

55:52     maybe if we do this we can do that I'm

55:55     like no because that's not it's not

55:58     anything that's should or would or could

56:00     happen

56:01     it's either like not something I had

56:03     planned on for budgetary reasons or time

56:06     reasons or it just isn't like or she

56:09     wants to make an artificial heart that

56:12     works out of her carbon with the

56:13     scissors I have you know a so there has

56:20     to be I have to plan ahead for it and

56:22     that's to be some firm boundaries that

56:24     he understands it's like in the I took

56:28     her to Costco and I usually have her sit

56:31     in the cart because she's contained

56:33     right there not go in the cart and I

56:37     said if there is a problem then you're

56:40     going in the cart and then she took off

56:42     in the store and came back with like

56:44     some different brand of like these

56:47     hostess type cupcake things and I was

56:49     like you disobeyed you ran off and you

56:52     came back with something you knew I

56:53     wouldn't put in the cart you're getting

56:54     in the cart no I want another chance

56:56     nope yeah parents your default might be

57:01     okay another chance one does a

57:03     phlegmatic I have to think I think about

57:06     it as like what's gonna it's easy they

57:09     like do the thing that's less work now

57:11     and then have it be a bigger thing later

57:13     and so I have to train myself like if I

57:16     take care of this now it won't be bad

57:18     later right so that's my challenge

57:20     there's a lot of like medic you messed

57:22     up this was the deal getting in the cart

57:25     because you disobeyed and this is what

57:28     has to happen but I knew like if I guess

57:30     gave her another chance she'd go and do

57:32     it again bring it back to the cart I

57:38     think that um when you are not a

57:43     choleric and you are parenting and clear

57:45     child the number one best thing you can

57:47     do is is work on follow-through you've

57:49     got to you've got to get yourself to a

57:52     place where you eat what you say is what

57:55     they believe and then and that you

57:57     actually follow through if you do not if

57:59     you consistently do not follow through

58:01     they will consistently not listen to you

58:04     because they lose all respect for you in

58:07     my adult life the people that I do not

58:09     have respect for people who don't

58:11     what they say they're gonna do and so

58:14     and I have to say you know it's like a

58:16     same way like super too many things on

58:18     my plate I can be that person sometimes

58:20     and I don't like that about myself I get

58:21     really frustrated at myself so I think

58:23     the best thing you can do is one

58:26     remember that their temperament will

58:27     likely change but not always you know as

58:30     they live into it a little bit more

58:33     children under six aren't a very

58:35     choleric time of their life and so

58:37     that's very much choleric and then their

58:40     clarity then their turn into the

58:42     singin's time of their life so because

58:44     they're Nene they're they have a lot of

58:46     needs and so but what I would definitely

58:49    v do is make sure that what you say is

58:51     actually what you're going to do and if

58:53     it's not don't say it don't don't say it

58:57     because I mean we we have a family tha


58:59     we're working with and the child has

59:01     special needs and the mom is very

59:04     climatic and I'm like don't say that if

59:07     you're not actually gonna do it because

59:09     you'll know you get see it's not it's

59:12     like training a puppy if you tell the

59:14     puppy that you're gonna take them

59:15     outside and you only do it like half the

59:17     time guess what they're gonna be on your

59:19     floor cuz they don't trust you take them

59:20     outside so you have to really be in that

59:23     space of they have to trust you so we

59:25     have one last one one more I know we

59:27     have to be done um Marie says I learned

59:30     this week I told a melancholic dad at

59:34     Cub Scouts that the app he was using was

59:38     I think the wrong one and he deleted it

59:41     incidentally I stopped moving it daddy I

59:46     was like oh man he could lose everything

59:48     they act very quickly when as I sing

59:52     when I would like to see us it and then

59:54     decide I they do act quickly oh we're

59:58     done over here I guess they do act

60:01     quickly and I think yeah they just don't

60:04     want to debate it oh yeah

60:06     our mark on Instagram with it yes I

60:08     didn't work out so we're done over there

60:09     so I think we are done if you want more

60:13     conversation on temperament join

60:16     thinking feeling willing that is where

60:18     we have a lot of conversation on temper

60:21     a lot of moms like that that you know

60:24     showed up here today are thinking

60:25     feeling willing moms you are always

60:27     welcome to start these conversations

60:29     over the in that support group because

60:32     we are you know happy to tackle them and

60:35     you can always tag Eric in those

60:37     conversations too because he's a member

60:39     of that group so you have any other

60:43     questions or comments please know that

60:44     we will answer them after well see y'all

60:47     later we got to go starter because I can

60:49     hear the choleric child that's Terris

60:51     already mmm alright see you guys later

60:53     right

English (auto-generated)    



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