Temperaments - Sanguine

"More than children of any other temperament , the sanguine needs someone to admire. Admiration is here a king of magic word, and we must do everything we can to awaken it." 

Roberto Trostli, Rhythms of Learning (2017)


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00:02     so good morning everybody I am Melissa

00:04     Nelson I am Eric Nielsen thank you I'm

00:08     pretty sure I was thinking about like

00:10     how this IKEA always introduces gases

00:12     like somebody that's not gas yeah yeah

00:16     something something funny but I won't do

00:19     that okay think of anything no I can't

00:22     think of anything witty

00:23     it's assume it's Burton Guster and he

00:26     always stays in something else anyway so

00:29     I have to stay close to him this morning

00:32     because otherwise you won't see us at

00:34     mr. camera so what this morning we're

00:37     going to talk about the butterfly

00:39     sanguine and before we start I wanted to

00:42     say that there's we have this business

00:46     coach and he has these um it's great

00:48     like they're not an affirmation cards so

00:50     just they're more like um kick you in

00:53     the butt cards they're great though so I

00:56     was gonna read this one because I think

00:57     this one really applies to the sanguine

01:00     I know that and also really applies to

01:02     the clerk you need a place to everybody

01:05     yeah I just thought it was a really good

01:07     one because I think that when we started

01:09     working with him my biggest challenge

01:12     was tying like I would say time my time

01:15     mindset was was a bigger issue than

01:18     anything else and so the better I've

01:21     gotten about my time there's more time

01:24     what's just so crazy like he'd say if

01:28     you don't have enough time to meditate

01:29     for five minutes you should meditate for

01:31     10 so I started meditating for a 15 and

01:34     amazing things started happening so now

01:38     this one says your relationship with

01:40     time will determine how you will

01:42     experience time your relationship with

01:44     time is not time it's your filter or

01:48     lens through which you experience time

01:50     we're constantly filtering distorting

01:53     and deleting anything that doesn't

01:56     correlate with our view of how things

01:58     are I think it's so profound I feel like

02:02     I feel like we especially on our culture

02:05     have this this need to do it all to do

02:09     all the things and I think that this

02:11     this keenly applies to the sanguine in

02:14     that

02:15     she'll burst schedules herself and and I

02:19     have I my temperament is when I am not

02:24     super balanced it is split down the

02:27     middle between choleric and cygwin and

02:29     then I'm just a bossy lady who has a lot

02:31     of things in that way when I am balanced

02:35     I am a balanced choleric with enough

02:39     sanguine to keep things interesting

02:42     what would you say I think that's fair

02:47     that's fair yeah I can't think it get

02:49     more like um have this long run list but

02:54     I can have this long list of me in a

02:55     jovial happy place but often it's the

02:57     list gets longer the grumpy you're right

02:59     here on and I think what's funny is you

03:06     tend to like I get uncomfortable about

03:10     being late but time bends for me like if

03:15     I'm not reminding you what time it is

03:17     then then that's problem yeah and

03:22     younger me would that have been okay

03:24     with that yeah right now me and is okay

03:29     with that because I'm like oh and hit

03:32     her hit up I think that the the pure

03:37     sink when somebody is mostly sanguine

03:40     severe imbalance would look like could

03:44     look like bipolar could like up and down

03:47     also could look like some like severe a

03:52     DD and and I don't I don't think ADHD I

03:56     think well maybe yeah I suppose maybe I

04:00     think that as we balance those unmet

04:04     they have to remember those unbalanced

04:06     states are like major polarization of

04:08     sort of what we're talking about so it's

04:11     not just can't be on time to anything

04:14     can't you know can't calm down her to-do

04:18     list yeah I or overcommits herself it is

04:22     like to the detriment of herself and

04:25     others

04:26     and and in such a way that she really

04:30     can't function even though she thinks

04:32     she can I think that I think that there

04:36     are moms that I know that really

04:41     struggle with this and and they have

04:43     times when they're much more balanced

04:45     and then I see times when they're sort

04:47     of out of out of whack and and I think

04:50     that what's hard is it's it's really

04:53     easy to get out of whack I think that

04:55     you know I think about my own sanguine

04:57     tendencies and and I am NOT a full-on

05:00     singling but ones that I know that our

05:02     sanguine was maybe a little bit of

05:03     choleric or sing on with just an enough

05:06     extra oomph to help them get things that

05:09     I think they really struggle I think

05:12     they really struggle because they feel

05:13     like I do think they struggle from

05:16     formal therapy missing out so they they

05:19     just do all the things and I think that

05:22     they as a homeschooling mom they

05:23     struggle with oh no my kids gonna have

05:25     fun so they make sure that they they're

05:28     not only doing all the things they're

05:30     making sure their kids doing all the

05:31     things and I think that the only moms

05:34     that I really get pushed back from with

05:37     regards to slowing down their rhythm our

05:39     moms that are like you're leasing good

05:41     yeah because they kind of think that

05:44     that's the way they have to be I mean

05:47     and this is kind of funny but I also

05:50     kind of when I think of the sanguine

05:52     temperament I think of them and that

05:55     movie up and you're the dog that talked

05:57     and he would talk and all of a sudden

05:58     squirrel right totally and then it was

06:02     doing something else yes because they

06:04     sort of like um they often don't finish

06:09     things so they'll get halfway with

06:11     something and then and it's not even a

06:15     car often a conscious like I don't want

06:17     to finish this because it's too

06:19     time-consuming or I don't want to finish

06:21     this because it's you know it's too hard

06:24     it's a it's a sub it's an unconscious

06:27     like long skin to this other thing to

06:29     and what happens is this other thing

06:31     gets to be more than this thing was so

06:33     this thing falls to the wayside and this

06:35     thing becomes the focus until this thing

06:37     over here then

06:39     is bright and shiny and then they'd

06:40     rather do this thing and this thing

06:42     falls to the wayside so usually when I'm

06:44     working with it when I'm working with

06:47     highly single moms I asked for a list of

06:49     all of their unbent projects I had a

06:54     single one one time that when I was

06:57     working with women lived in Utah and she

06:59     I said how it shows an avid knitter and

07:02     I said how many undone knitting projects

07:05     do you have like ones that are not

07:07     finished and she sat there she was

07:09     really quiet and I said are you are you

07:11     there she said no I'm counting it was

07:13     like wait a minute

07:15     just like twelve undone projects and and

07:20     so we were talking like every week and I

07:22     said what your job this week is to

07:25     either finish or take the needles off of

07:29     and roll back up the yarn of ten of

07:31     those and she was like I don't know if I

07:35     can do that

07:36     I said well if we're gonna move forward

07:37     and we're really gonna help you finish

07:39     things we have to have some deadlines to

07:41     finish things I think sanguinis do their

07:44     best work when they have a deadline and

07:47     it can't be far out there it has to be

07:50     like this week because anything

07:54     otherwise it's if it's far out there

07:56     then they will just forget about the

07:57     deadlines

07:57     yeah one thing we've had conversations

08:00     about when it comes to sanguine as I

08:01     think about when we've been in social

08:04     situations and there's been people were

08:07     I've been in a conversation with and

08:09     then like in the middle of conversations

08:11     are like go on missus sentence they're

08:13     like hey guy and then as a phlegmatic

08:16     then I avoid that person if I try that

08:20     hard to keep their attention it's not

08:23     worth it so I'm just not going to talk

08:24     to that person because it's in yeah but

08:29     there's a fee given you he's a quality

08:31     time guy so he gets invested because

08:34     we've had we've had social situations

08:39     where afterward I am I just a boring I

08:41     know no I had this conversation where

08:43     I'm like oh you're not boring yeah Peggy

08:48     says I always say

08:50     please get give me a deadline I work

08:52     better under pressure

08:53     I didn't saying let's do work better

08:54     under pressure sing sing when in the

08:57     sanguine is in college in high school

08:59     are probably like either didn't need to

09:02     study or study the night before they

09:04     love cramming love cramming and if they

09:06     could stay up until 2:00 in the morning

09:08     and cram even better

09:09     yeah well it's like in college I was

09:13     trying to enter the film program oh yeah

09:16     and there was a kid that I mean that

09:18     application was there were 60 pages

09:21     worth of material that you had to come

09:22     up with in order to get in and I wanted

09:26     to get in so I spent my summer working

09:27     on it but there is this kid that he

09:29     tried to put all that together the night

09:31     before Amy and I getting into the

09:34     program but I was like I would have

09:36     stressed me out oh yeah yeah what is

09:40     there's no boss see that's nothing take

09:42     care of that no no no so I think that

09:45     also as a parent they often have I know

09:49     I just get over her you know two cameras

09:51     and it's not and then I've got the phone

09:54     I got video camera should be there and

09:56     they should be here it's okay next week

09:58     we'll do that yeah I've got a video

10:00     camera so I'm making the youtube version

10:02     of that I got because normally I'm

10:04     behind the camera and so I think that um

10:11     as a parent

10:13     they often struggle because they forget

10:16     why they punished somebody mm hm and so

10:19     that child knows that's your weakness so

10:22     they'll play up on the fact that she's

10:25     gonna forget why she grounded me

10:26     especially the older child and and they

10:29     know they can't trust that you will

10:30     remember and so there was the time when

10:33     I I was doing I was far more my saying

10:36     once I was playing far more then Michael

10:39     Eric site and I would just write down

10:41     grounded Jacob and pay what's the reason

10:44     grounded Harry here is the reason

10:46     because otherwise I'll forget and and I

10:48     don't forget I think that um what tends

10:52     to happen in our parenting is we often

10:55     are the fun parent but we can also be

10:57     like the main parent if it's not going

11:01     our way

11:02     and and that's not that's that's like

11:05     means sanguine coming out that's

11:07     definitely not mean choleric because the

11:09     cleric comes from a place of we need to

11:12     have this all done because I'm a leader

11:14     and and I say so and the same ones like

11:21     that's a different place I'm much too

11:24     probably

11:24     yes I think that as a sanguine mom if

11:29     you if that's if that's you usually you

11:32     have you have a secondary it's it's

11:36     almost I see plague Matic with a

11:40     sanguine side way more than I see

11:42     staying on what's like Matic said

11:44     because they kind of don't go together

11:45     like the Eric is phlegmatic sanguine

11:47     because he he chemical acid but he also

11:51     can like go and have some fun

11:55     it wouldn't work the other way because

11:57     the same one is always bouncing around

11:59     so the the things that make him like

12:04     manic would not come out as much I would

12:07     think if you were if it were saying I

12:09     don't dislike that it's okay if you

12:11     think that's what you are I'm just

12:13     telling you where I come from from the

12:16     years of observation that I've been

12:18     doing and in temperament it's sort of

12:20     like a weird pet peeve of mine that's

12:22     kind of how we met and so not pet peeve

12:24     like pet project so I think what I tend

12:28     to see most when I tend to see mouse is

12:31     sanguine melancholy that one seems to be

12:33     the biggest we had two children that

12:36     have that share those temperaments but

12:39     what's interesting is really what's

12:41     interesting is as they've gotten oh

12:43     that's a little bit better to Chili's

12:53     face repeat did you lose this I'll

12:58     resume there you I don't happened sorry

13:01     about that

13:02     yes yes I got that should be young it's

13:05     trying to fix

13:07     Tec took over I think what tends to

13:10     happen when you are this thing one foot

13:13     sing when melancholy because this is

13:15     what we have in in to our children just

13:17     to just a little bit more than that over

13:19     that house the same when melancholy if

13:24     you are single and melancholy it you are

13:27     singing when but you might have a lot of

13:33     sadness going on in your life and and

13:36     and you know if you are single in first

13:40     melancholy a second you're probably

13:43     struggling with the empathy piece a

13:44     little bit you might guess you might be

13:46     able to get sad really easy and and gets

13:49     added at the drop of a hat with regards

13:51     to a commercial or something that was

13:53     sad but those around you you will likely

13:56     struggle with empathy sanguine struggle

13:58     with empathy more than they're they're

14:01     kind of akin to choleric struggling with

14:03     empathy and it's not because they don't

14:06     care cuz they forgot why yours that you

14:11     know it's more like what were you

14:14     singing again like that because they

14:15     were like already in their head doing 15

14:17     other things we have two children that

14:20     are split on means temperaments and what

14:23     was interesting is one was sanguine with

14:27     the dose of melancholy when she was

14:28     growing it while the other one was

14:30     melancholy with a dose of sanguine and

14:32     as they became adults that flipped hmm

14:36     you know I mean I definitely think Jacob

14:38     is much more sanguine with the dose of

14:41     melancholy now and Eleanor is much well

14:45     know in Hollywood doesn't think what's

14:47     funny is growing up I'd always get on

14:49     her case because she would leave these

14:52     glasses man everywhere and they were

14:55     never emptying there will always be like

14:58     this much water and I'd find them all

15:01     over the place and I thought somebody

15:02     she's gonna have her own place and it'll

15:03     be like cups water all over the house

15:05     cuz she started cups of water and didn't

15:07     finish them I walked away she was like

15:09     the inspiration for y'all have one water

15:11     bottle or one cup well ya have anything

15:14     else because I remember we had this

15:16     water bottle and I thought

15:18     I'm gonna collect all this water over a

15:20     week and see how much like she did not

15:22     appreciate that about how colic snakes

15:25     like ya don't shame me yeah sure I was

15:29     like I yeah I was driving me up a tree

15:31     cuz I was the one picking up all the

15:33     cuts of the best ways to parent a

15:39     sanguine child or if you are saying one

15:41     yourself one I would you definitely want

15:45     to keep it to do list I mean that's just

15:47     kind of how it is and you you like

15:50     making lists if you're sanguine and

15:52     because you like planning not a big deal

15:55     at all like you are expert planner you

15:58     know you you're probably like on my case

16:01     about where the heck is the planning for

16:03     piece charcoal it's coming it's coming

16:07     and and you are also probably in a place

16:13     where you got it all planned but your

16:15     struggle is to follow through and so you

16:17     know I try to build things into the

16:19     planning for peace John that we're like

16:20     little boxes where you checked it

16:22     completes I know that it's necessary

16:28     it's necessary to have that that um that

16:31     completion box if you are if you are a

16:34     sanguine mom or your parenting as

16:36     england' child you not only do you want

16:38     to keep the to-do list I would say you

16:41     want to keep two lists you want to keep

16:43     your good morning miss Chris you want to

16:46     keep your big long one the one that has

16:49     everything on it and then you don't want

16:53     to pull more than six things a day off

16:57     of that main master list to your daily

17:00     to-do list because what happens with the

17:02     sanguine is she thinks she can do more

17:05     than she really can and and see the

17:08     clarity me it's like I'll watch me I'll

17:09     still do it anyway but the sanguine will

17:12     just forget and so or she'll she'll

17:15     decide that the list is is not fun

17:18     enough and she'll go do something that's

17:19     not on the list so you want to be very

17:22     very very mindful of which those things

17:26     are that you pull from that master list

17:27     so the master list is a list of your

17:29     you constantly got going and and maybe

17:31     the master list you know has everything

17:34     that's household that needs to be done

17:35     plus everything that school that needs

17:36     to be done so when you're doing your

17:38     morning meditations or your morning prep

17:40     or preferably the night before you're

17:42     pulling those six things off and you're

17:44     putting those in your to-do list and

17:45     then you're not doing anything until you

17:48     get those done and and if you say all I

17:51     got to noon and I realize that I needed

17:53     something that was on the list

17:54     ain't unless it's an emergency leave it

17:57     until tomorrow because the idea is that

18:00     you will get really good at knowing what

18:02     your priorities are and when you know

18:05     what your priorities are then you will

18:07     be much more effective at not being oh

18:11     my gosh the parents are only loud sorry

18:14     not being not jumping all over and so

18:19     you'll want to make sure that you pick

18:21     those six things and that those are the

18:24     things that govern your day and and

18:26     that's independent of your rhythm

18:28     I think sanguine moms will often be the

18:31     ones to tell me I just can't keep her

18:33     them so what I would say that that is

18:35     you really need to do the actual rhythm

18:39     chart because the actual rhythm chart

18:41     will give you the it'll give you a good

18:44     picture of where your rhythm actually is

18:47     so you you you might think you don't

18:50     have any but when you do the actual

18:52     rhythm chart and you are in your

18:55     tracking then what starts to come

18:58     forward is what your rhythm really is

18:59     like what your natural rhythm is and

19:01     that's really what we went for everybody

19:03     but I think same ones especially because

19:05     you you think that oh I just like to fly

19:08     by the seat of my pants

19:09     well the chart will actually show you do

19:12     you like like what things are taking

19:14     your time they're generally not fun

19:17     things as my guess my my guess is you're

19:20     stopping to do one thing because it

19:22     wasn't interesting enough and so you're

19:24     jumping to the next thing and and you

19:26     really want to see this habit in

19:28     yourself and there's enough sanguine in

19:32     me that I can easily tell when I am like

19:35     get starting it board with something and

19:37     I have to stop and go nope gotta finish

19:41     pursue mm-hmm and and start to stop

19:45     yourself so that's as you become

19:47     balanced you're seeing it in yourself

19:50     and you have to stop yourself then and

19:53     move forward that doesn't mean you're

19:57     you're sort of being untrue your your

20:00     temperament what it means is you're

20:01     starting to balance your temperament

20:02     because a saying when that's balanced

20:05     has a lot on her plate loves to be the

20:08     life of the party she's generally extra

20:10     extroverted and not introverted

20:12     generally not I'm not saying always but

20:14     generally she loves it all she loves to

20:17     throw a party she listen you know hang

20:19     out with Brian's she'll do all of those

20:20     things and haven't really long to do

20:22     this but when you balance you'll be able

20:25     to say no when you need to say no and

20:27     still be like in the party I think that

20:30     that's really um when I'm working with

20:32     moms that are really struggling with

20:33     that they are they're like but I love

20:36     this about me everybody loves everybody

20:38     loves to come to my parties everybody

20:40     loves to you know to do things to me yes

20:42     everybody does I'm gonna tie the really

20:44     hard truth nobody trusted you all

20:46     through because they don't trust that

20:51     you will finish and so you want to

20:54     really work on that piece because

20:56     balanced would mean that you can be the

20:59     life of the party and you can finish

21:01     those projects are a new plate and and

21:04     that takes conscious effort and you know

21:06     where the subconscious mind governs so

21:09     much of what we do like 95% of what we

21:11     do then what you really have to do is

21:14     get conscious to what you're doing and

21:16     that's where the actual rhythm chart

21:18     really comes in because when you're

21:20     conscious for what you're doing you're

21:22     conscious of what you're doing

21:24     tannaz truth hurts this is that when

21:27     you're conscious of what you're doing

21:29     and and I in often they'll be like I

21:33     don't want to know yes you do you need

21:34     to know if you want a balance you need

21:36     to know so when you're conscious of what

21:37     you're doing you see this chart that in

21:39     front of you you can look at it and go

21:41     oh I actually do have some rhythm that's

21:43     naturally in me what things are really

21:46     important here that I actually did and

21:48     what things are when you dial into what

21:50     things are really

21:52     then it helps you to sort of balance

21:53     overall we've talked about since we both

21:59     I'm saying what is most likely our

22:02     secondary hand we've talked about how

22:05     there's been situations in the last year

22:09     where we've allowed drama to distract us

22:12     from things that we didn't want thinking

22:13     about mm-hmm

22:14     and then we were in a drama place

22:16     because we didn't want to think about

22:17     these other things that we really can do

22:19     something about we gots focused on the

22:21     thing that we couldn't do anything right

22:23     I think that um you know that's the

22:27     first thing I ask myself is am I being

22:29     distracted by this exit or I want to

22:31     deal the other thing yeah mm-hmm excuse

22:35     me and I think that um I think that's

22:38     very true I think that when you do the

22:40     actual rhythm chart then you really see

22:41     like where's your time going where what

22:45     are you spending it on and and if your

22:48     your desire is to have quality time

22:50     doing things you really want to do

22:52     rather than jumping around doing things

22:54     you don't want to do then I think that

22:57     that's that's sort of your wake-up call

22:59     to be able to as you know see it all I

23:03     think that if you're a highly sanguine

23:04     parent and you have colored children you

23:07     have children that don't mind you

23:09     because I think they don't trust

23:11     I think they don't trust the charge so

23:15     you gonna follow through and so I think

23:19     that the the follow-through is the

23:23     important part there and and that's

23:26     where you have to like ask yourself am I

23:29     really done with this task like stop and

23:31     get conscious am I really done with this

23:33     task and if you are then walk forward

23:37     but if you're not then find a way to

23:40     finish the task I think often often when

23:44     I'm dealing with or working with I don't

23:47     want to sleep dealing with because it's

23:48     like I have to deal with you know that's

23:49     what I'm working with when I'm working

23:51     with highly sanguine moms that are

23:54     struggling to keep rhythm even if they

23:58     have done this work my first question is

24:02     why

24:03     that Siegfried ever them where in your

24:05     background because what happens is if

24:07     you're unbalanced no matter what your

24:10     temperament there was something that

24:12     happened that happened in your

24:14     background in your past and it could be

24:17     in your way distant past you could have

24:18     been four years old when something like

24:19     this started and it starts this

24:21     pre-programming of well it's not safe

24:24     for me to slow down it's not safe for me

24:27     to to you know rely on people it's not

24:30     safe for me to be secure it's not safe

24:32     so then it starts this programming of

24:34     like moving forward and it snowballs and

24:36     then as an adult you look like you're

24:38     running around like a chicken with your

24:40     head cut off all the time and you

24:42     probably feel like that too my guess is

24:44     that you feel very much like you know I

24:46     have heart palpitations because you're

24:48     you know when you're in your when you're

24:50     in your most when you're in your worst

24:53     state you might like really be

24:54     struggling with that I would say that

24:57     that's probably like heart issues is

25:00     probably something that really affects

25:02     the unbalanced Angwin I was thinking

25:05     about diseases the other day and which

25:08     diseases probably befall the the

25:11     different temperaments I would love to

25:14     do a study on that I'd love to see it

25:15     I once seen Jacqueline says how do you

25:18     finish the task if you are constantly

25:20     interrupted I end up giving up because

25:22     they can't stay focused long enough so I

25:24     would look at what tasks you're trying

25:26     to do and and who's interrupting you so

25:30     you're trying to do a task that is

25:32     definitely you need more focus then

25:36     don't do it when you have children

25:37     around that are going to interrupt you I

25:39     think that that's a that's a hard one

25:41     heal and says I love to plan and dream

25:44     and set things in motion but I lack the

25:46     peace that stays mindful and follows the

25:49     follow-through so when you're working to

25:51     sort of override that subconscious

25:55     programming and again it is subconscious

25:58     programming to keep that keeps you from

26:00     actually following through because your

26:04     balanced state looks very different than

26:06     your unbalanced state once you can sort

26:09     out where that subconscious programming

26:11     came from and sort of bless it and sand

26:13     for those of you that are thinking

26:15     feeling willing members well even those

26:18     of you who aren't cuz we have them

26:19     actually set up somewhere else if you're

26:21     not a thinking feeling willing member

26:22     you can go to beacon mama calm and these

26:25     same audios are there if you are a

26:27     thinking feeling willing member than

26:29     they are in mom lesson three so I would

26:31     go through the I would figure out where

26:33     that where that came from

26:35     where is it that you are unable to like

26:39     where in your background did that happen

26:41     where you start that subconscious

26:42     programming started where you're not

26:43     safe to finish something or you're not

26:46     safe to have her them so figure that

26:48     piece out once you figure that piece out

26:50     I would go through our poop to light

26:52     series as in both of those places that I

26:55     just mentioned

26:56     let's see Dan says do you know of any

26:58     specific resources for exploring the

27:01     idea of early life experiences related

27:03     to the molding of temperament ours I

27:06     mean we talked about this you're a thing

27:09     you felling wanting member so I

27:10     definitely go back and watch the these

27:13     six human needs

27:16     mm-hmm

27:17     video that's it video that we did the

27:20     other day I think that that's important

27:22     I think that if you're not a thinking

27:24     feeling willing member we have a video

27:26     called know thyself that we did last

27:29     fall that sort of starts to explore

27:32     those six basic human needs and that

27:33     will start to end you know dig some of

27:35     it up I want to caution you in that once

27:38     you dig if you don't already know like

27:41     right now going okay I know these things

27:44     in my childhood are what probably

27:46     contributed to this then beware that as

27:49     you start to dig some of that poop up

27:50     it's not going to feel great but that

27:54     that as you move forward with it and you

27:57     can sort of forgive that situation see

27:59     it for what it is start to work to

28:01     overwrite some of that subconscious

28:03     programming and you know it might just

28:04     be a simple mantra that is I am so happy

28:09     and grateful that I can get the things

28:13     done that are on my list

28:14     and not feel crazy and you know just

28:17     something very simple that you're like

28:18     then sing to yourself over and over you

28:20     might write it down faster it everywhere

28:22     say it in the morning it helps to write

28:24     something to help like override this

28:27     just sew right in a couple of times

28:28     every morning to sort of get your

28:31     conscious mind in the space of this is

28:34     what this is what feels good it feels

28:36     good to be to be more stable it feels

28:40     good to be in a place where I'm not

28:41     running crazy it feels good and then you

28:44     have to sometimes convince yourself

28:45     because they do think that there are a

28:47     lot of sanguine moms there like I love

28:50     being this busy that's it really don't

28:54     you really don't because you might love

28:56     being this busy but then you hate what

28:59     falls wait like what happens you know if

29:02     you love being this busy but

29:05     everything's falling to hell in a

29:06     handbasket at home or your kids behavior

29:08     is all crazy or your relationship with

29:10     your partner is not great then you don't

29:12     really love being this busy you have to

29:14     take a deep breath and go okay wait a

29:16     minute

29:17     what part of this Doyle of like is it

29:19     the fact that when I throw a big party I

29:22     might sit my might need to be

29:24     significant like is boosted because

29:26     everybody loves me and it's a good time

29:28     and and are there healthier ways that

29:31     you can regularly get that piece of

29:34     significance rather than diving all in

29:37     and feeling like you have to you know do

29:39     it all yes Ally says affirmations and

29:43     tapping very good affirmations I think

29:46     are really good affirmations though you

29:48     can't send an affirmation when you're in

29:50     a bad place burns the wrong feelings so

29:53     the universe doesn't feel what you say

29:54     or hear what you say here's what you

29:56     feel so and you can insert God into that

29:59     rather than universe if you'd like but

30:01     when you send that out you better be in

30:04     a good place of yes I feel so good that

30:07     because if you're not guess what

30:10     first here's that we heard what in the

30:13     university is what you feel so you want

30:15     to be in a good feeling place about that

30:17     same ones are happy at most most of the

30:20     time unless they have melancholy

30:22     secondary then that can easily switch

30:24     into that but yeah I would say the most

30:33     combinations they see are either

30:35     sanguine choleric or Clarence Anglin I

30:37     see those those the most

30:39     and and and often what happens when we

30:43     balance a a mama too sanguine with the

30:46     dose of choleric is her clerks and seems

30:49     to diminish and the beauty of the

30:51     sanguine steps forward and she is you

30:55     know she can see that yeah I can be the

30:58     life of the party and I think I can have

31:00     a balanced home Becca says having a

31:04     good-sized sanguine streak and knowing

31:06     that I am teaching a very sanguine child

31:08     has me worried about teaching block

31:10     lessons I'm worried if we're both going

31:12     to flake out in the middle of everything

31:15     you know I think that I think that

31:21     that's a true that's a valid concern and

31:25     so I would build things into your blocks

31:28     so that you have signposts and you take

31:30     plenty of days off you know I take about

31:33     every tenth day off and like and when I

31:36     say off I don't mean like over you go to

31:38     the library in the museum and we're

31:39     gonna study that's nope off like usually

31:43     it's just feelings on that off day or at

31:45     the beach like for the whole day so that

31:47     will help you they taking plenty of

31:49     breaks will help the sanguine stay more

31:51     focused and and sort of keep you in a

31:55     place of not not feeling like you're

31:59     crazy or feeling like you have to switch

32:00     gears because you feel like this is

32:03     boring remember what's it le that need

32:05     the are two builders panel and she's

32:08     like she was a little kid she's at all

32:10     it's just like Sir Isaac well sir I

32:14     would sit there and try to figure out do

32:16     it Carter she waits you it Anna

32:19     Catherine says melancholic sanguine is

32:21     that comment I see that one I see it I

32:24     saw it in my own house and so yeah I

32:27     mean I definitely and I think the

32:29     melancholy sanguine tends to look more

32:32     ADHD than because they get really

32:37     fixated on something really fixated on

32:39     something and if that something pulls

32:42     that melancholy out they can just stay

32:45     there and it's harder to pull them back

32:49     I was thinking like I'm a man's

32:53     perspective and you see a woman running

32:55     around like Ichigo there and cut off but

32:57     we're not going to name any names

32:58     because all of his people watch our

33:00     videos so she what what would you say

33:08     what would you say from from a remedies

33:12     perspective like what is that what does

33:14     it look like well I mean I've seen

33:17     situations that I mean you can probably

33:21     think of some to that that ended in in

33:23     divorce

33:24     for whatever reasons because the one

33:28     partner got often got involved in all


3:31     these different things right I think

33:33     everyone just ended up like being left

33:36     behind or worth second or a fourth

33:40     thought or or like well she's not paying

33:43     attention to me or he's anyone attention

33:44     to me so I'm just gonna go over here and

33:46     have a good time because she's not doing

33:48     her own thing I mean we joke about the

33:50     the mom and Mary Poppins it's out

33:53     fighting for suffrage well there's

33:54     another successful right yes no clue

33:57     because she's off doing her own thing

33:58     she's off like that's exciting to her

34:01     you know I mean why what's going on

34:03     children is that I mean and that's

34:05     something we've seen taken to an extreme

34:07     right and there's you know people like

34:12     how are they still very very close

34:15     separate lives because the other ones

34:17     one at least one of them is like it

34:21     doesn't seem like it none of the things

34:23     that they're doing are bad right right

34:25     right it's just this they're they're

34:26     they're continually pulling them

34:28     allowing themselves to be pulled away

34:30     and and doing something else I mean if

34:32     you have it things in balancing a proper

34:35     rhythm then those things get you can do

34:37     those things they're not bad things

34:40     necessarily well I agree when you can

34:42     sort of like pull them apart and pick

34:45     one things to two at a time one day at a

34:48     time

34:48     I think the the sanguine mom probably

34:50     has 16 books on her nightstand and she's

34:54     read two chapters out of each one maybe

34:56     not even two chapters so this is you

34:58     I've got all sorts of things out but

35:01     there's

35:02     I'm saying what an area see that but

35:05     things I've started enough in history I

35:10     only have two knitting projects going

35:13     right now not three well I'm about to

35:17     pull out because ii happen well it's

35:20     like sam sometimes asks about all these

35:24     games and were like finish the one here

35:26     on I see it in Soraya a lot because she

35:34     she's definitely got some like 88 HD

35:37     stuff going on and and she definitely is

35:40     like molded from my mold in a lot of

35:43     ways but I see the same one more often

35:45     and I go no it's that please let's work

35:51     on that one together oh I think you have

35:55     to when you're parenting a your

35:58     parenting any single in child they're

36:02     going to make you crazy if you're not

36:04     saying but if you're saying when the to

36:06     yo you're gonna have fun together I

36:07     think you be like oh wait no we did

36:09     lessons today oh I can do that so you

36:13     have to be the more balanced one because

36:16     otherwise you know it's going to get out

36:18     of control I think that what what needs

36:23     to happen is that you you need to be

36:27     able to see it for what it is work to

36:29     balance it within yourself and then as

36:31     you've worked to balance it within

36:32     yourself then you can work to help

36:36     balance your child and and you know

36:39     there are like I said there are tricks

36:40     so get up and get a drink of water if

36:42     you're doing something that's a long

36:44     haul kind of project and I have to do

36:46     these things myself because there's

36:48     enough like the cleric and make gets me

36:50     like started and going and and gets

36:52     keeps me determined but once I get to a

36:55     lull in something the same would email

36:58     be like you know what this over here

37:00     would be more fun wouldn't it be fun to

37:01     just sit and bullet journal nope it's

37:03     not

37:03     I have stay going so you know you want

37:07     to have tricks for you up your sleeve

37:09     you know maybe it is you get up and take

37:11     a deep breath and get a drink of water

37:13     and then come back to it jump up into

37:16     like ten times like Tony Robbins style

37:18     and get really excited about what you're

37:19     doing and that that really helps like

37:23     pump you up because they'll think you're

37:25     nuts

37:26     so there are tricks like that that I

37:28     would suggest you put into place so that

37:30     you can get things like you can have it

37:32     or follow through rewarding yourself you

37:36     know I know we sort of live in this

37:37     culture right now or nobody wants to

37:39     reward children for the sake of

37:41     rewarding but there are certain children

37:44     that neither Awards the high like I need

37:48     the reward person is going to do better

37:51     when she sees the carrot at the end and

37:54     that has to be like that's something

37:57     that's in her life like what with what's

38:00     in it for me how do I get to the end and

38:02     so I don't think it's a bad thing I

38:05     think reward for the sake of rewarding

38:07     yes is probably not a great thing but I

38:10     think the person who came up with the

38:11     rewards for children is bad it's

38:13     probably a melancholy that's bad we

38:16     shouldn't always have rewards well

38:18     sometimes you need them

38:19     sometimes you need them so I would

38:22     reward yourself when you get through

38:24     things

38:25     my reward doesn't always have to be anv

38:27     external one can be an internal thing it

38:29     could be you know affording yourself 30

38:32     minutes or whatever of I get done with

38:34     this and I can spend 30 minutes time

38:36     isn't rare so when I look at like these

38:39     hard and fast articles sometimes I'm

38:40     like y'all don't know anything about

38:42     temperament the parenting stuff that

38:44     comes out sometimes alright let's see to

38:47     to do to do I will say that mom that

38:52     this is going on YouTube and the framing

38:55     and it will be wing that aesthetically

38:59     appropriate yes somebody's life yeah if

39:02     you're gonna continue to watch it on

39:03     Facebook it's still going to look like

39:04     this but if you go to the youtube

39:06     version later and it will be on because

39:08     we have podcasting service now it will

39:10     also be on Spreaker as last week since

39:11     pre Korea I don't think it is we have

39:14     been a little busy and you will see why

39:16     we're actually getting ready to launch

39:19     in a video series as we get ready to

39:21     open up thinking feeling willing again

39:22     and so we won't be busy with that

39:25     let's see amber says I can't wait to

39:26     watch I'll watch the whole thing so much

39:28     more sanguine

39:29     as they get older and I need this really

39:32     you know actually I will say because

39:34     ever you're almost a carbon copy of me

39:38     or me of you I think that when you get

39:41     to your forties the killer come back be

39:44     like no again some things that let's see

39:49     it really says I have so many stacks of

39:52     books around the house I've been really

39:55     trying to limit it to one or two and

39:57     then there's audible audible love me

39:59     some audible tally says I just like long

40:02     projects I delegate them I think that's

40:04     a very good idea very good idea I do

40:08     think that segments can be very good

40:10     delegate errs um it's when they try to

40:13     do them all do all of the projects like

40:15     the mom that's like I can't get anybody

40:17     to do it the way I need you so I'm just

40:18     gonna do it all don't don't do that

40:21     don't do that I think and that's

40:23     probably more a sanguine choleric mom

40:25     because tickle Eric's like needs done my

40:27     way it has to be in my way and and it

40:30     and I can't get people to just I'm gonna

40:31     do them all myself I've been guilty of

40:34     that so you have to shift your

40:37     expectations a bit and be okay with

40:39     somebody else doing that doing the tasks

40:43     mmm

40:44     audible so awesome if I could joy says I

40:47     bought books about ten times since Texas

40:50     started give or take Peggy says I've

40:54     done the carrot analogy forever and I

40:57     Katherine says thank you my sanguine

40:59     child so needs rewards and releases

41:03     thank you any permission to reward my

41:04     sanguine daughter because we work so

41:07     much harder for the carrot at the end I

41:08     just think that like I said I think the

41:10     person who came up with the rewards or

41:12     bad thing is somebody who doesn't need

41:14     your rewards reward is just the

41:17     accomplishment it is a but I think

41:20     what's three word is the accomplishment

41:21     I think for a mostly choleric person or

41:27     or or a phlegmatic person because you

41:30     guys sometimes have trouble getting

41:31     started so when it's done you're like

41:33     yes it's done I don't have to think

41:34     about this yes this thing I didn't like

41:37     is over way right there I'm gonna take

41:39     that I'll rip the band-aid off fast just

41:43     but I think we're the same one needs the

41:46     reward is in the long game so you can't

41:49     reward yourself for every single thing

41:50     you do but you can reward yourself for

41:53     staying on task we reward yourself for

41:56     finishing this project and that after a

41:59     while I don't think you need the reward

42:01     you won't need it after a while because

42:04     you get better at state like playing one

42:06     game

42:08     let's see Becca says what if you do tons

42:13     of projects always new ideas but

42:16     actually they actually follow through

42:18     you have oh if you follow through then

42:20     you're getting you're definitely more

42:21     balanced for sure it's those that are

42:24     not following through that how the

42:25     problem with balance I'm glad to hear

42:27     you talk about rewards missing one

42:29     phlegmatic son on the spectrum is my

42:31     first and it was hardcore opposed to

42:34     rewards from the start oh if you've got

42:36     a spectrum child you've got to get into

42:38     it I just don't know what Harry ASEC

42:42     would be like if we hadn't like come up

42:44     with some kind of carrot and I'm not

42:46     saying to do all the time but I am

42:49     saying that the taking that piece of

42:52     parenting of you should never do rewards

42:54     I think that person does not understand

42:56     development or temperament Murray says

43:01     that's me and really says and the

43:05     littlest things as rewards make us think

43:08     when happy yes let's finish this so we

43:10     can play this game absolutely does not

43:12     have to be a big thing it can be like

43:15     let's finish this we'll go get ice cream

43:17     let's finish this full want to show

43:20     let's finish this we'll paint our

43:21     toenails like it doesn't matter what it

43:23     is it doesn't have to be this giant

43:25     thing it in fact it shouldn't be you

43:27     want to you want to temper expectations

43:30     of rewards and I think that rewards can

43:33     for sure get out of hand but if you are

43:36     taking rewards from a healthy place then

43:39     they're not going to get out of hand

43:40     Rachel says I want to do all the things

43:43     but I need help focusing can you give me

43:45     a couple of bullets to focus to help

43:48     balance I am trying to wake up early go

43:50     to bed early and good those are good

43:52     things I think the more sleep you get

43:53     look at these bags there was no amount

43:55     of

43:56     Seiler that was cover in those six our

43:58     babies that the more sleep you get the

44:00     better you are the like the more the

44:04     less likely you are to be a little

44:06     crazed so I would aim for eight if

44:08     that's at all possible you know I'm in

44:10     the part of my parenting career where

44:11     that is possible there was a lot of

44:13     years where it wasn't so get as much as

44:15     you can because that will help you not

44:17     feel grace like that I would look at

44:20     supplements for sure let's see what else

44:22     does she say

44:23     trying to get wake up early go to bed

44:25     early meditate for 15 minutes in the

44:26     morning read my candy stories to be

44:29     ready and work on my hand we're just

44:32     doing this feels like I need such a push

44:34     but I am definitely up and down off and

44:39     on balance okay so first I would say

44:44     build build one thing at a time

44:47     she says 9:00 p.m. is so hard to make

44:50     happen it pushes to 10:30 most times I

44:53     would really I would really work on

44:56     sleep sleep I think is big for you

44:59     really big for you and I think that once

45:02     you can get sleep under control it will

45:04     help drive everything else so like doing

45:08     the best you can for that the reason why

45:10     you push it to 10:30 is because you

45:12     think you have these things that have to

45:13     get done and I'm going to take a secret

45:15     ready it's not really a secret there's

45:18     always going to be things on your list

45:19     that's the secret so you have to be

45:22     really good at saying this can't wait

45:24     until tomorrow and and push things often

45:26     until the next day you don't have to get

45:29     them all done at once you you will you

45:31     will always be chasing the wrong thing

45:33     if you are chasing finishing the list so

45:35     that's why I say six is is optimal and

45:39     um and then you know moving on she says

45:42     I'm totally just watching TV nothing

45:45     getting done well I understand that I

45:47     love Netflix except for the next show

45:50     starts at 13 seconds I don't like that

45:52     part well sometimes I like that part but

45:54     you know so you what we ended up doing

45:58     is we ended up picking like two nights a

46:02     week where we watch our shows and then

46:05     if we and then we try to start that

46:08     means you

46:08     get your kids in bed on time we try to

46:11     get it if we want to watch two or three

46:12     then then we have to be done Eric is

46:14     really good at going

46:15     no it's time for bed and I'm like but

46:17     really just one more and he reminds me

46:21     how tired I will be the next day and

46:23     then I'm not a kind person when I'm

46:25     really tired so shows off a cliff hanger

46:27     and then it's like automatically queues

46:29     up the night every show has a

46:30     cliffhanger that's the whole idea

46:32     marketing a show every show does I sorry

46:37     I'll be like I gotta watch another

46:38     episode she watches very little TV but

46:40     when she does she's like ending it in a

46:42     cliffhanger I'm like the only one in the

46:44     clip thing and you know you can't watch

46:45     the next one sorry

46:46     and then it gets you know the season at

46:48     the end of the season is a cliffhanger

46:49     it's like you just gonna have to wait

46:52     Caitlin says trying to find things that

46:54     care for you and and feel feed you

46:57     instead of just checking out and being

46:59     distracted before bed I agree so like we

47:02     used to have the TV in our room we don't

47:04     anymore and and at first when the Roku

47:07     died were like oh we should just replace

47:09     it and then we just decided not to and

47:11     one luck turned into - has it been out

47:15     of our room oh the remote bro that's

47:18     right and it costs more to replace the

47:20     remote than it was to just buy a new one

47:22     so I got no mind what was the it's been

47:25     a it's been probably almost a year it's

47:27     been probably a year since we have been

47:30     without the TV in our room and and I

47:32     actually am really liking it doesn't

47:35     keep us from watching something

47:36     occasionally on the tablet but um you

47:39     know it also gets us like it gives us

47:42     it's easier to have a defined by the

47:44     time that way there's some there's some

47:45     Netflix seasons that I've watched that

47:48     it took me six months yeah yeah think I

47:51     might have watched one like two a month

47:55     or something long separated so you're

47:59     okay with that like the same good at me

48:01     it's like no I kind of know what happens

48:03     I've got like multiple things that I've

48:05     started that eventually I'll finish

48:12     things so I'm hoping that that this

48:19     feels good and they

48:20     you got a lot out of this I'm sure that

48:23     I left some things out because this

48:25     conversation is a long conversation and

48:27     and can actually go on for hours with

48:30     reverse aged temperament I would

48:32     recommend that if you are thinking

48:33     feeling willing member dive into the

48:35     temperament the temperament Thank You

48:39     Kelly

48:40     if you NSP for mr. grammage to top dive

48:42     into the temperament mom lesson and and

48:45     and get it just study it study study

48:47     study I think studying your temperament

48:49     is one of the best pieces of in or that

48:51     you can do and I think that's all next

48:54     week I'm gonna start with this one well

48:59     at least is this has been so helpful

49:01     thank you I always thought it was just a

49:04     little bit of all the temperaments that

49:05     you describe my life oh my goodness

49:10     alright y'all

49:11     there are there's a piece on our site

49:13     called temperament parenting and Kelly

49:15     put the link up it's in the resources

49:18     section on our website so at Waldorf

49:20     essentials calm then click on the

49:21     resources tab you'll find it there

49:24     it's called temperament parenting and I

49:26     think that's super helpful I think if

49:28     you have any questions should be a

49:30     message I'm happy to help and I think

49:34     that's all yes have a great week

49:36     why don't we talk about next week I

49:38     think we're talk about that's like

49:39     matters either that or melancholy I

49:41     think though I think that one's last

49:42     okay paiace

English (auto-generated)    



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